Pre Christmas Mania

During the past week, I had been unable to finish start my Christmas shopping. It was funny, I managed to order things for my boss and co-worker for Christmas seeing as they didn't have an online account, had then delivered and/or picked them up for them, but had done any shopping myself.

Finally, having finished a rather large/depressing undertaking at work (reviewing medical records never makes anyone happy) I had decided that this Saturday was the designated day. I decided to make the most of it. I went done to the same town that my sister lives in to do the shopping and to visit my grandmother (the one who just went under hospice care).

Sarah N. was generous enough to agree to meet me and help me with getting it all done. She kept me clam and collected as crowds freak me out. It was particularly crowded that day too! She even had to stand in a parking spot for me while I hurried as fast as I could to get there before someone tried to run her over.

After only a few hours, we had finished. We visit four stores and managed to get a little late lunch/early dinner as well. I am really appreciative for her help. Now I just have to wrap it all.

Following my departure from the outlet, I headed over to the nursing home. It is in some unknown vortex or something. It took me forever to find it and it was only 2 miles from my sister's house! Geez louise, I tell you. I visited with her for an hour. I hadn't seen her in what seems like forever. Trying to think back, I am afraid to say that it was probably last Christmas. She hasn't been feeling well for a long time and therefore hasn't been at many family functions.

After my visit, I then headed over to my BIL's aunt's house. Hung out there for about an hour. They had done their Christmas swap there and the kids were all excited with their new toys. My oldest nephew for instance was thrilled with his first, official ZuZu pet, rather than the kids meal toys.

Finally, it was time to head home. Boy was I tired. I got home and went straight to bed. When I woke this morning. I was ready to meet Sarah S. for brunch.

We ended up at Last Resort. Yum! And it was reasonably priced. I got stuffed french toast with bananas (which we all know is one of my favs). Expecting to get two little slices of battered toast, they brought out this leaning tower a la amazing goodness! I couldn't finish it and even Sarah had a crack at it.

We exchanged our gifts today since I will not see her until after Christmas. Unfortunately she has to work Christmas night. Stupid hospital!

Anyways. Now its time for me to wrap my gifts, clean my loft as it has been neglected over the last week, head over to the gym, and rest it up for tomorrow, and of course, catch up on my posts. (Yes Sarah N., I will blog about the Holiday Party. Be patient my friend.)

Self Dx

Frannie and I were talking over the weekend, nothing in particular, just chatting, and we came on the subject of my weight loss. I told her that I felt as though I had gained ten pounds over all the Christmas treats and from all the holiday parties. She said, "Good!"

I told her to not worry and that I was not going to get any lower than 130. She then told me that she was worried that I had anorexia. I told her that I was eating and then she asked me, "Do you know what anorexia is?" Thinking, like I am sure most do, that it was simply an eating disorder where the sufferer refuses to eat, I was apparently wrong. I know this because I wiki-ed it.

The exact definition, according to Wiki, is as follows:

Anorexia nervosa is an eating disorder characterized by refusal to maintain a healthy body weight and an obsessive fear of gaining weight, often coupled with a distorted self image which may be maintained by various cognitive biases that alter how the affected individual evaluates and thinks about her or his body, food and eating. It is a serious mental illness with a high incidence of comorbidity and the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric disorder.

It can affect men and women of all ages, races, socioeconomic and cultural backgrounds. Anorexia nervosa occurs in the ratio of 1:10 in males:females.

Now, I will admit to the fear of gaining weight, however, I do not believe the rest of the definition applies to me. My goal of 130, when calculated, would put my BMI at 20.4. This number just so happens to be smack dead in the middle of the normal weight range.

As far as the imagining is concerned, I have always had neither negative nor positive images of myself. I look at myself in the mirror and see me. Just me, and how I feel inside. That is what I look like, take it or leave it. Aside from going under the knife (which I would never do), there is nothing that I can do to change what I look like. I feel completely neutral about how I look. I do however, try to wear nicer clothes than I have in the past, finally getting rid of the last of my college wardrobe, as none of it fits anymore. However, that shouldn't affect my self image. Energy is what I thrive off of, and if working out gives me more energy, and makes me feel good, then so be it.

Now, I know that Frannie was not saying these things to hurt my feelings, or that she really thinks that I could be mentally ill, she said it as a concerned sibling, and I am just saying this to tell her that there is nothing to be concerned about.

Love you Frannie! Now stop worrying for half a second please.

And Exhale

I can say that as of 3:30 today, I am officially done with the academic arena until next year. Granted, its early next year, but still.

Anywho. You are probably wondering what all mischief I have been involved in to be too busy to blog in the past weeks. Well, first I found out that I had gotten an "A" in Real Estate and was not needing to take that final. Thank goodness, one less thing to worry about. Then I had my Office Management Final and paper to turn in. Done, and luckily have already received my final grade, so one less thing to worry about. What's that you say? What was my final grade? An "A" of course. Would you have expected anything less of me?

Then I had just one more test to take that week before the big bomb was about to go off. So, while sipping on my vanilla steamer in my fav coffee joint, I finished up that project.

Then, as if I had barely shut my eyes, it was time to get up the next morning. It was 6:00 a.m. Saturday morning to be exact. Why would I get up at such an unholy hour on the weekend? The LSAT my friend. The time had finally come to take it. As I had posted on Facebook shortly following the exam, it was wayyyyyyyy to easy. Either I was not properly prepared, or I kicked its little LSAT butt. Results pending. Later that afternoon, I found myself driving to Frannie's house, strangely not feeling nearly as exhausted as I thought that I might have been. In spite of that, I did celebrate accordingly at her holiday party.

It was the bomb diggity, if I may say so myself. There was even a celebrity guest appearance. SANTA!!! The kids almost wet themselves when my sister was reading the last part of the "Night Before Christmas" when they heard jingle bells and the infamous "HO HO HO," coming from the front door. I have to say that it was nothing short of spectacular.

The next day I came home, after escaping Frannie's clutches. It had begun to snow on Sunday and was snowing rather hard in the town they live in. She was so worried about me driving on the possible frozen roads. She even said that she would call in for me and explain to my bosses that she, my big sister, had determined that it was not safe for me to drive and therefore would be coming in late. Ha, ya, I don't think so sis. Good try though.

Moving on, Monday I again found out some spectacular news at work, again which I can't discuss in public(ic), Ron White joke. Sorry, couldn't help myself. Anyway. That news however was short lived as soon thereafter I got a call from Frannie. Apparently our 84 year old grandmother has literally lost the will to live and has requested to be placed under hospice care. I know that this is what she wants, after all, the woman has buried a child and two husbands. I get it, she is ready to hand in the towel. She has lived a long and fruitful life, but one of her son's, my uncle, is taking it particularly hard. I am trying to see it through his eyes. How can you accept the fact that your mother no longer wishes to live?

Anyway, after dealing with that crap and sending Frannie warm wishes, as she is having to bare majority of the burden, I had to run off to Wally for some items before my last final. Pre-cal. Just should have had someone shoot me then and saved me the trouble. What trouble you ask?

I left Wally with what I thought were all my items. As I was putting things away at home and realized that one of the bags was already empty. "Okay, perhaps its in the smaller one. No. No. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO."

I ran out to my car in a panic trying to find the elusive item. As I lowered my head to peak below the barrier in the back of my car, I immediately felt the sensation of lighting and numbness at the same time rush through my entire head. I looked up and noticed that I was on the ground. The hatch door had come crashing down on my head and smacked it against my back bumper. End result, I have a sore mouth, nose, teeth and a busted lip. Granted, it does not look nearly as bad as it could have been, nor how it feels, but it does look like I let someone draw on the middle of my upper lip with a sharpie.

When I got back to Wally to see if the calculator was there and if they could either replace it or refund me, I also went to look for something to put on my cut. As I walked over to the customer care counter, the first thing I heard come from the only woman working the counter was, "I will if I EVER get a break!"

Things are looking optimistic already. She informed me that items left in bags at the checkout are the customers responsibility and that there was nothing that she could do. So, basically, I walked out of there with a new calculator, costing me $30 in total (gas, old calculator, plus new calculator) while someone got one for free and... as an added bonus, they didn't have any neosporin.

Getting home for the final time that night, one single tear came down my face as I unlocked my door. The only one from the entire ordeal. That night had just not been my night. I walked up the stairs to my room and changed into pajamas and searched through my bathroom for something to put on the cut. I screamed internally as the rubbing alcohol burned my lip. Sucking it up, I went down and fixed myself some dinner.

And that, in a very large nutshell was my week. How was yours?

Slight Blog Intermission

Sarah N. asked me today when I would update both my blogs, particularly concerning the holiday party and all that we prepared for such. I informed her that since this week is primarily devoted to finals, finishing up projects and the biggest test that I will ever take in my life, it will be a while.

I know that my avid readers (all three of you and the occasional German or Canadian visitor) will be sorely upset by this. However, I will promptly return once I have regained consciousness and can coherently put together two sentences.

Until that time, pray for me and my endeavours.

My Greatest Mistake

Sarah N. came into town early on Friday to help me shop and prepare for the weekend's holiday party. Having only spent an hour shopping (which is amazing considering what all we had to get) and then running over to get a pizza for dinner, we decided to watch a movie and relax for the rest of the evening. Our feature presentation... Family Man. She had never seen it and obviously me being a fan, considering the fact that I own it, we dove in. However, somewhere around the middle, we both passed out.

Unfortunately due to the hectic schedule of the weekend's events, we were unable to finish it. However, she did pose a question to me that was quiet insightful, and again, uncharacteristic. She asked if there was any mistakes or choices that I've made in my past that I would change or do differently.

After sitting there for a few minutes and staring at my ceiling, I determined that there weren't any. There are very few mistakes that I have made in my life that I truly regret. None of which I believe proved detrimental. Although some would have made some situations more pleasant for the time being, the outcome would have been the same. For instance, the last few days of my last relationship, I was a bit harsh and moody. I will admit it. Although a change in my attitude would have made things less stressful, it would not have changed the outcome, for that I am certain.

My only real regret in life was one conversation...

It was during my finals in high school my sophomore year and I was writing a paper and was miserably sick. While sitting at the computer and becoming blind from staring at my composition for hours on end, the phone rang. Glad to have a distraction for a second, I answered it. On the other line was my sister, Tara. She and I chatted for a minute, she asked me how I was. Like she had opened a flood gate, I just poured on her all my worries and complained of my symptoms. I never once asked how she was or what she was up to. I didn't ask her how school was going (she was in law school), I simply just complained. She sweetly said that she hoped I felt better and not to worry, that it would all work out. She then asked to speak to our mother and I passed the phone along.

She died two days later.

That was the last night that I ever spoke to my sister. Not a day goes by that I wish I could have told her goodbye, or how much I loved her. I just complained, and she, being the caring and sweet older sibling, just sat there and took it. I have felt like a jerk bitch ever since that time. It was last time that I ever spoke to her, and I didn't have anything nice to say. Although, I am sure that she knew that I loved her, I wish so desperately that I had told her that day.

Its Officially Winter

This morning was the first frost at the river. Since all the rain this week, the river is swollen and raging like crazy. Many of the rocks that the turtles sunbathe on our completely covered and no where to be seen.

As I was walking to my car this morning, I could hear the river before I even opened the door. Then I noticed how the barrier surrounding the river was frosted over and there was ice in the puddles on the driveway. I had to scrape my windshield as well.

I love this time of year, but I must say that fall is by far my favorite time. A few weeks back, I took these pictures and forgot to post them.

It was like a blanket of golden awesomeness outside the courthouse. It makes me want a cup of hot chocolate.

Eh, what was that?

This week I went shopping once again at my favorite (yet expensive) grocery store. I was wondering up and down the aisles, had a good convo with the guy behind the meat counter and got everything that I need, except for one single item that just so happens to be the essential ingredient as it was not currently in stock. My inner monologue sounded something like a broken or scratched record. "What do you mean you don't have it?"

So, yesterday I called every Asian food market in town to find this tiny little inexpensive yet elusive item. Bingo! And off to Baxter Street I was during my lunch break. It wasn't until I got home last night after some more shopping for the party that I realized I left it in the fridge at work. "Well, crap."

At least I am not making it until tonight though. I just need to tie a mental ribbon around my finger as to not forget again.

I have noticed a lot more lately that my mind is just forgetting things like crazy. Monday, I forgot my coat and pumped gas in 30 degree weather at 7 a.m. The other night I forgot to advance the laundry, so last night I went in there and noticed that it had gotten sour and I had to wash it again. Ugh!

Oh well, time to start investing in ginkgo I guess.