Promises, promises.

With the new year fast approaching, I was thinking the other day of what my New Year's Resolution would be. Normally, I don't make them. I kind of feel that if I decide to do something, I will do it, not wait for the new year. No time like the present, right? However, in thinking about what all I have accomplished this year and the fact that the New Year is soon, I figured, what the hell.

So, here it is. I am going to try to "put myself out there." Socialize more. Many have asked why it is that I am still single, or why it is that I have yet to "market myself." My explanation/excuse has been that I simply do not have the time. Granted, my schedule is busy with all my activities, work, school, gym, cooking, but somehow I have managed to see Sarah S. at least once a week and been able to do numerous other activities as well. So really, if I were to sit down and plan, I would have the time. So, I guess the only thing that is really holding me back is... me.

I am concerned with, and have mentioned to several of you, about losing control of my life. I feel as though that is my real deterrent. I have big issues with letting go of certain things. Like in a previous post, I have worked so hard for what I have, and I refuse to let anything stand in the way of that.

When people are trying to pin me down for dates or times to go out and do things, I am constantly thinking "I still want Wednesday free for me, can't do it Tuesday or Thursday because of the gym,..." I am the excuse queen. I even have trouble with scheduling with my trainer, which is what irritates me more when he has to cancel. It takes me forever to chose a day, and then I have to go through the entire process again, because he double booked?!? Agh.

I use to love doing things in the middle of the week though. Earlier this year, I had a blast with my on the whim nights, like Lindsay's birthday. Normally, I would shy away from doing anything like that, unless it were really, really important. As we all know Lindsay's birthday is.

In trying to take all that in and forcing myself to "let go," I am going to try to make myself more readily available for outings. I am going to say "yes" more than I do "no." This will just be one more mental hurdle that I am going to have to over come.

Here goes.

No Fluffing Required

It has been said by many, usually following my response to some mushy, gushy, overly sappy story, that I am just not normal. Particularly when it comes to expressing those types of feelings. Usually when my friends tell me stories of sweet things their significant others have done, I usually follow up with "vomit." I can't handle it. Can't take it.

I especially grow exceedingly suspicious of those who are overly complimentary. I can handle the occasional "you look nice today," but anything further and I get extremely uncomfortable. My immediate thought is, "what are you up to," or "what do you want?"

When guys in the past have tried to be super sweet or romantic to me, my gag reflex kicks in. I can hardly stand it in movies too. I will occasionally get those girly, high pitched cute noises out of me, but most times I have to cover my face with a pillow. Is that sad, that my reaction to someone expressing their love is the same as if their finger was getting cut off?

Even a slow dance sends me running for the sidelines. I can swing dance, line dance, and shake my booty anytime, anywhere, but when you crank up the ballads, I'm out.

It makes me wonder though. Is there something fundamentally wrong with me, or am I just quirky like that? Perhaps I need a sign on my back that says "Saps Need Not Apply."

Bouncing Mere (In Stores Now)

Last night, I was at the gym. (Like you haven't heard that before). I did my warm up, did my abs, which included cable crunches (which I love by the way!), and then it was time to sit out in the hallway by the door and consume my power bar. As I sat there and waited for the class to end, I recalled thinking, "Is that Rich in there? Oh well, must be teaching a double tonight."

Then I noticed that it was rather odd that I was the only one out in the hallway. Although, folks have been known to get there in the nick of time, so I really didn't think much more of it. When the class let out, I walked in, moved over to my bike and began to put my cycle shoes down when I was asked if I had read the schedule this week. "Um, obviously not I guess."

Class was canceled! Who does that? Who has time to get to the 5:30 class? I mean really. I can barely get there before 5:30 and change and all that. Grrrrr.

So, I asked him what I could do and that I had to do something because I had eaten that bar. So, I went out and got on the treadmill for 35 el minutes-o, and sweat was pouring down my face like a big fat pig. Thinking that was enough, I grabbed my stuff and headed over to the store.

I still had waaaayyy too much energy. I was bouncing up and down the aisles, jumping on my cart and riding down to the ends. Was way to perky with the cashier and manager. When I got home, I was jumping around my house while doing the smallest of things. I jumped all the way over to the thermostat to turn it on, I jumped over to the stairs to put my gym bag on them. I jumped over to the stove to start dinner. Basically I was hopping all over that joint, and scaring the crap out of the cat as well.

I couldn't sit/stand still. I was even jumping in the shower. I am sure that my neighbors love me now. Particularly Jake. He is the guy that lives above and below me. Its really hard to explain, but his kitchen is above my kitchen, and my bedroom is over his. Our stairs run parallel to one another. Our lofts are basically exact opposites of one another. Anyway.....

I am just trying to figure out how to get rid of all this energy. Especially since that time is approaching where I will back in school and my one class is conveniently the same time as spin. I will still be able to make to the weekend class, but what will I do in the middle of the week to get some good old fashion cardio? If it didn't get so dark so quickly, I would start running outdoors again.

Any suggestions from the peanut gallery?

Chance Reunion

This Christmas was chaotic, as is any with my family, but I did get one huge surprise out of it. Christmas Eve we always spend at my maternal grandmothers, but this year, we met during the day. My cousin is a police office and unfortunately since he is the rookie, had to work. So, we met to accommodate his schedule. Shortly after we had cleaned the dishes and unwrapped the presents, it was time for me to head out. I had promised my best friend from high school that I would come and visit her.

It had been approximately four to five years since I last saw her and felt terrible about that. There are very few memories of my childhood that don't contain her. I mean really, you all have heard the tales of Mere and Darcy. We were riots if I say so myself. Anywho. As I called her to let her know that I was on my way, and to prepare, she informed me that another crazy cat would be joining us. Jazzy. I had not seen Jazzy since graduation, and that is no lie. I was so excited.

When I got there, I hugged her parents' necks and we all sat and chatted while waiting on Jazzy's arrival. Then, Darcy informed me that she had had surgery where they had to deflate her lung. She then preceded to tell me that it was no big deal. Um, any procedure where it is necessary that the deflate the thing that makes you breathe and stay alive, is a big deal. Geez.

Moving on. When Jazzy got there, we tried to think of where we wanted to go or what we wanted to do. I don't know who thought of it first, but it was genius. We knew, just knew, that another friend of ours was in town for the holidays and we had to see her. So, we plied in Darcy's car and off we went to find Julie. As we pulled into her driveway, we were all so worried about whether or not she would (1) remember us and (2) want to see us. The two nut heads that I was with started getting all nervous, but I made them stand on the porch with me as we rung the door bell. Her father answered the door and immediately brought us into the living room. "I remember your faces very well, but the names, now you are going to have to help me on that one."

One by one, we reintroduced ourselves. He couldn't believe it. Then down the stairs came Julie's little sister, Michelle, who hung out with us a lot as no one in her year was cool. (Ha, that's right, we were considered the cool kids). Then Julie's older brother came in, Tyler, he hugged Darcy and Jazzy, and then tried to shake my hand and introduced himself. "Dude, we use to work in the office together," were my thoughts, but before I could say anything, he remembered. "Mere!"

Finally, we heard more steps coming down the stairs, JULIE!!! As she came in the room, she had to do a double take. She later told us that she almost started to cry, that she couldn't believe it. It was like magic was in the air. We later found out that she was leaving the next morning to fly back to Utah. Lucky.

We then decided to head over to our old stomping grounds and had dinner in Fayetteville, Applebees to be exact. We just started talking about the past and reminiscing about all the crazy stuff we did in school, all the stupid boys that we dated. We talked about what we are doing now and how much things have changed since we left. It was a terrific night. We laughed harder than I think anyone of us had in a while. We remembered things that I haven't thought about since I left that school.

When I got home that night, I told my mother that I had an amazing time, truly amazing. I forgot about what great times there were in high school. It seems that we tend to only focus on the bad, and forget the good. Well, that night, I got a big dose of it!

As we were saying our goodbyes, we realized that we all have known one another for close to fifteen years, and the fact that we hadn't seen one another for close to seven. Unacceptable ladies! This shall not happen again. We were talking at dinner about planning a skiing trip out to see Julie after the new year. Sign me up!

My Life in the Frozen Tundra

I don't recall having moved to the Arctic Circle, but apparently I have. Granted, I am thrilled to have gotten to see a White Christmas in my life time. Particularly since the last time Georgia saw one, cameras didn't exists. Okay, perhaps that's a stretch, but according to this its been since 1882.

Anyway, this morning I woke up thinking that the snow surely would have been gone by now. Nope. Still snow covered river banks. Then, as I was walking down my porch stairs, I barely noticed some ice on them and almost slipped. Last night at the gym, as if an omen or something, ice barred the entrance from all visitors. I had to help this elderly woman across the ice so that she wouldn't slip. Apparently not going to visit the gym though, just cutting through from the old folks home to go shopping.

This morning my car was completely frosted over. While I was scraping the ice off, it would transfer to my gloves and stick like glue. My fingers were absolutely freezing! Then, as I was pulling out of the drive, a red bug was in front of me. I was so afraid that she would slip and slide all over the place as "black ice" was all around. Finally, I made to the road, safe and sound. The actual roads here are fine, but I noticed in my car that the thermometer said that it was a whopping 19 degrees out.

Ahhh. The same goes for the parking lot at work. There were places all around where folks had dumped out their coffee from their cars and it was frozen solid to the ground. This morning when I went to change out the backup disk, I almost considered staying in the control room. It was sooooo warm. But no, back to my cubicle!

Hopefully Georgia will be... Georgia once more and have an unseasonably warm January and February. Fingers crossed! They just might get frozen that way.

Loaded Pistol

These last few days have been absolutely tiring for me. For three straight days I have gone to the gym. Normally, I don't do that, there is usually a day of rest in between. But I tell you what, my muscles feel fantastic. I'm mentally exhuasted, but my body feels great. Who needs a brain anyhow?

I have noticed something different about me in the last few days though. I have been more competitive than ever. It may be due to a number of things: getting my grades back and doing better in precal than I thought, news at work, getting ready to see family, finishing shopping, the new year, but what I really think did it was my trainer.

I know that I have been hard on him, complaining about his inability to keep a scheduled appointment, and his overall lack of a brain, but he said something the other day that really hit home with me. I know that it was complete lie, and afraid that I took it poorly, later asked me if I knew he was kidding. I was in the middle of our row/exercise/row/exercise routine when he said, "Come on, I had a 75 year old in here earlier today and she didn't complain."

Now, of course I knew he was kidding, but it made me start thinking. I thought about all those mental blocks about working out that I had built up over the years and the ones that I have spent the last year tearing down. I starting thinking about whether or not I was really pushing myself anymore. Granted, what I do now would seem impossible when thrown at the old Mere, from the beginning of this year, but I'm not her anymore. My fitness level has grown tremendously, so, it is time to raise the bar once more.

I caught myself trying to race the guy on the treadmill next to me yesterday. I had thoughts such as,"Come on, you are really giving up now? Ten minutes is not nearly enough little man." During all this, I shaved four minutes off my time. I noticed the other day that I have more bounce now when I run and that sometimes my ear buds almost fall out. When I went to the store the other day following the gym, I was bouncing and bounding up the aisles.

In spin last night, I started thinking about whether or not I was really pushing myself. Granted, I know that I usually work out for a full hour beforehand that my stomach is usually weak by then, but I've started bringing power bars with me. Last night I work really hard during the fast standing intervals that I was afraid my pants would wiggly right off. (I really need to go shopping!)

So, like a trigger had gone off in my head, I am happy and thrilled about the new possibilities that I can create for myself with this new attitude. I just hope that (1) I can stave off the "meat head" mentality and (2) that it lasts through Christmas with all my mom's delectable holiday treats. Darn you woman and your awesome cooking!

Mere-y Christmas...Party

I have to say that every year after the party I proclaim to the world  with fists of rage, that it was so stressful that I am never doing it again. However, this year, I made no such promise. This year seemed so different. No stress, no running out of time. Everything worked out and ran as smooth as glass.

It started with Sarah N. getting into town the same time that I got off work. Although she did have one detour before getting to my house... she brought be a peppermint milkshake. Awww. After devouring my treat (remember I am addicted to mint) we headed off to the store. It only took us an hour to get everything and while we were there, we even order our dinner for the night.

Then we headed over to get our pizza where I was complimented on my hat (I like wearing hats and brooches. Yes, I know that I am old). Then we got home, unloaded the car, put away the groceries, and then nestled on the couch with pizza and beer for a little movie.

The next morning, we woke up, went and got breakfast (somebody had to have a biscuit and couldn't wait on me to make pancakes). We watched yet another movie while we finished our meal, then watched another movie while we started to cook. The time literally flew by and it didn't feel rushed at all. It was all completely calm.

When Sarah went up to get ready, I did some last minute things. Let roomba out, hung a painting that Sarah S. and I had done earlier that week, and some general straightening up. After I put roomba away, I went over to fix the lights under the Christmas tree because he had gotten caught on them a little. I reached down and immediately felt like a hot knife had gone through my finger. I screamed. "What happened?!?" I heard come from the top of the stairs. Not quiet sure myself, I looked around and saw little pieces of broken glass on the floor and one empty like socket on the string of lights. 1 + 1= ouch! The damn light had electrocuted me. So, I carefully reached down and rearranged the lights, went upstairs and per Sarah request, ran my finger under some cold water.

While I was getting ready, and having previously unlocked the door in anticipation of such, Dustin arrived. The first words out of his mouth were, "Whoa, this is sick!" He couldn't get over how large the place was. Apparently they look small on the outside. The rest of the night he was trying to talk Lindsay into moving there. Yay, new neighbors!


Anyway, while he was finishing up his cooking, Mel and Nick came, then Lindsay arrived. The party was getting started. When we had completed putting together the spread, it was hilarious. We were all just standing there starring at the table. We could not believe how gorgeous it looked. Dustin, Sarah and I were just taking pictures to remember what it looked like before we dove in.

Shortly thereafter, my baby brother and his best friend, Hudson, arrived. I have known him since he was just a little guy in elementary school with Kev. Now he is so freaking tall. A few minutes later, O'Hara showed up, another LHS survivor and good friend to Kev. She thinks that it is hilarious that I make my own laundry detergent and has stated that the next time I do it, she wants to help so that she can learn.

                                                             About an hour later, Rickey and Britt showed up. It was funny watching Rickey try to work my stove. He had never cooked with gas before, and Dustin had to show him how. I laughed pretty hard, not gonna lie. Although, I was laughing a lot that night, most particularly because Dustin decided to be festive. When I say festive, I mean that Dustin was making shot after shot of peppermint schnapps and Bailey's. No one else would take shots with him, so I obliged.

Needless to say, by the time 10:30 rolled around I was a bit tipsy, okay, I was drunk. I was trying to help clean up the food so that we all could go down town. I bent down to look in the cabinet for some tubberware for the leftovers, and Dustin bumped me. Yep, I was on the floor. So I stayed there. I sat by the fridge and loaded the items into that were handed to me. It worked out pretty well.

Then we grabbed our coats and jumped into the cars. We had a great time. There was some dancing at Firehouse, some sitting at Allgood, and I sat a lot at 8Es. Mostly because, and I am not proud to admit it, but I sat on a stool and fell right off. I remember it happening too, in slow motion. I recall thinking, "why is the floor getting closer?" (I'm still laughing at myself.)

Anyway, dear, dear Sarah was our fearless leader that night and got us home safely. No one, and I mean no one, got up before 2:00 that day. Sarah was a great mom and even tucked Dustin onto the couch with a blanket. I was proud of myself too. I made it up to my bed room without hurting myself. That's 20 stairs folks, 20! 



Too cute, so I had to add it

It was a great weekend, and I can't wait to do it again. New Year's anyone!

Sarah N. requested that I post about what all we cooked. So, I did on my other blog.

Pre Christmas Mania

During the past week, I had been unable to finish start my Christmas shopping. It was funny, I managed to order things for my boss and co-worker for Christmas seeing as they didn't have an online account, had then delivered and/or picked them up for them, but had done any shopping myself.

Finally, having finished a rather large/depressing undertaking at work (reviewing medical records never makes anyone happy) I had decided that this Saturday was the designated day. I decided to make the most of it. I went done to the same town that my sister lives in to do the shopping and to visit my grandmother (the one who just went under hospice care).

Sarah N. was generous enough to agree to meet me and help me with getting it all done. She kept me clam and collected as crowds freak me out. It was particularly crowded that day too! She even had to stand in a parking spot for me while I hurried as fast as I could to get there before someone tried to run her over.

After only a few hours, we had finished. We visit four stores and managed to get a little late lunch/early dinner as well. I am really appreciative for her help. Now I just have to wrap it all.

Following my departure from the outlet, I headed over to the nursing home. It is in some unknown vortex or something. It took me forever to find it and it was only 2 miles from my sister's house! Geez louise, I tell you. I visited with her for an hour. I hadn't seen her in what seems like forever. Trying to think back, I am afraid to say that it was probably last Christmas. She hasn't been feeling well for a long time and therefore hasn't been at many family functions.

After my visit, I then headed over to my BIL's aunt's house. Hung out there for about an hour. They had done their Christmas swap there and the kids were all excited with their new toys. My oldest nephew for instance was thrilled with his first, official ZuZu pet, rather than the kids meal toys.

Finally, it was time to head home. Boy was I tired. I got home and went straight to bed. When I woke this morning. I was ready to meet Sarah S. for brunch.

We ended up at Last Resort. Yum! And it was reasonably priced. I got stuffed french toast with bananas (which we all know is one of my favs). Expecting to get two little slices of battered toast, they brought out this leaning tower a la amazing goodness! I couldn't finish it and even Sarah had a crack at it.

We exchanged our gifts today since I will not see her until after Christmas. Unfortunately she has to work Christmas night. Stupid hospital!

Anyways. Now its time for me to wrap my gifts, clean my loft as it has been neglected over the last week, head over to the gym, and rest it up for tomorrow, and of course, catch up on my posts. (Yes Sarah N., I will blog about the Holiday Party. Be patient my friend.)

Self Dx

Frannie and I were talking over the weekend, nothing in particular, just chatting, and we came on the subject of my weight loss. I told her that I felt as though I had gained ten pounds over all the Christmas treats and from all the holiday parties. She said, "Good!"

I told her to not worry and that I was not going to get any lower than 130. She then told me that she was worried that I had anorexia. I told her that I was eating and then she asked me, "Do you know what anorexia is?" Thinking, like I am sure most do, that it was simply an eating disorder where the sufferer refuses to eat, I was apparently wrong. I know this because I wiki-ed it.

The exact definition, according to Wiki, is as follows:

Anorexia nervosa is an eating disorder characterized by refusal to maintain a healthy body weight and an obsessive fear of gaining weight, often coupled with a distorted self image which may be maintained by various cognitive biases that alter how the affected individual evaluates and thinks about her or his body, food and eating. It is a serious mental illness with a high incidence of comorbidity and the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric disorder.

It can affect men and women of all ages, races, socioeconomic and cultural backgrounds. Anorexia nervosa occurs in the ratio of 1:10 in males:females.

Now, I will admit to the fear of gaining weight, however, I do not believe the rest of the definition applies to me. My goal of 130, when calculated, would put my BMI at 20.4. This number just so happens to be smack dead in the middle of the normal weight range.

As far as the imagining is concerned, I have always had neither negative nor positive images of myself. I look at myself in the mirror and see me. Just me, and how I feel inside. That is what I look like, take it or leave it. Aside from going under the knife (which I would never do), there is nothing that I can do to change what I look like. I feel completely neutral about how I look. I do however, try to wear nicer clothes than I have in the past, finally getting rid of the last of my college wardrobe, as none of it fits anymore. However, that shouldn't affect my self image. Energy is what I thrive off of, and if working out gives me more energy, and makes me feel good, then so be it.

Now, I know that Frannie was not saying these things to hurt my feelings, or that she really thinks that I could be mentally ill, she said it as a concerned sibling, and I am just saying this to tell her that there is nothing to be concerned about.

Love you Frannie! Now stop worrying for half a second please.

And Exhale

I can say that as of 3:30 today, I am officially done with the academic arena until next year. Granted, its early next year, but still.

Anywho. You are probably wondering what all mischief I have been involved in to be too busy to blog in the past weeks. Well, first I found out that I had gotten an "A" in Real Estate and was not needing to take that final. Thank goodness, one less thing to worry about. Then I had my Office Management Final and paper to turn in. Done, and luckily have already received my final grade, so one less thing to worry about. What's that you say? What was my final grade? An "A" of course. Would you have expected anything less of me?

Then I had just one more test to take that week before the big bomb was about to go off. So, while sipping on my vanilla steamer in my fav coffee joint, I finished up that project.

Then, as if I had barely shut my eyes, it was time to get up the next morning. It was 6:00 a.m. Saturday morning to be exact. Why would I get up at such an unholy hour on the weekend? The LSAT my friend. The time had finally come to take it. As I had posted on Facebook shortly following the exam, it was wayyyyyyyy to easy. Either I was not properly prepared, or I kicked its little LSAT butt. Results pending. Later that afternoon, I found myself driving to Frannie's house, strangely not feeling nearly as exhausted as I thought that I might have been. In spite of that, I did celebrate accordingly at her holiday party.

It was the bomb diggity, if I may say so myself. There was even a celebrity guest appearance. SANTA!!! The kids almost wet themselves when my sister was reading the last part of the "Night Before Christmas" when they heard jingle bells and the infamous "HO HO HO," coming from the front door. I have to say that it was nothing short of spectacular.

The next day I came home, after escaping Frannie's clutches. It had begun to snow on Sunday and was snowing rather hard in the town they live in. She was so worried about me driving on the possible frozen roads. She even said that she would call in for me and explain to my bosses that she, my big sister, had determined that it was not safe for me to drive and therefore would be coming in late. Ha, ya, I don't think so sis. Good try though.

Moving on, Monday I again found out some spectacular news at work, again which I can't discuss in public(ic), Ron White joke. Sorry, couldn't help myself. Anyway. That news however was short lived as soon thereafter I got a call from Frannie. Apparently our 84 year old grandmother has literally lost the will to live and has requested to be placed under hospice care. I know that this is what she wants, after all, the woman has buried a child and two husbands. I get it, she is ready to hand in the towel. She has lived a long and fruitful life, but one of her son's, my uncle, is taking it particularly hard. I am trying to see it through his eyes. How can you accept the fact that your mother no longer wishes to live?

Anyway, after dealing with that crap and sending Frannie warm wishes, as she is having to bare majority of the burden, I had to run off to Wally for some items before my last final. Pre-cal. Just should have had someone shoot me then and saved me the trouble. What trouble you ask?

I left Wally with what I thought were all my items. As I was putting things away at home and realized that one of the bags was already empty. "Okay, perhaps its in the smaller one. No. No. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO."

I ran out to my car in a panic trying to find the elusive item. As I lowered my head to peak below the barrier in the back of my car, I immediately felt the sensation of lighting and numbness at the same time rush through my entire head. I looked up and noticed that I was on the ground. The hatch door had come crashing down on my head and smacked it against my back bumper. End result, I have a sore mouth, nose, teeth and a busted lip. Granted, it does not look nearly as bad as it could have been, nor how it feels, but it does look like I let someone draw on the middle of my upper lip with a sharpie.

When I got back to Wally to see if the calculator was there and if they could either replace it or refund me, I also went to look for something to put on my cut. As I walked over to the customer care counter, the first thing I heard come from the only woman working the counter was, "I will if I EVER get a break!"

Things are looking optimistic already. She informed me that items left in bags at the checkout are the customers responsibility and that there was nothing that she could do. So, basically, I walked out of there with a new calculator, costing me $30 in total (gas, old calculator, plus new calculator) while someone got one for free and... as an added bonus, they didn't have any neosporin.

Getting home for the final time that night, one single tear came down my face as I unlocked my door. The only one from the entire ordeal. That night had just not been my night. I walked up the stairs to my room and changed into pajamas and searched through my bathroom for something to put on the cut. I screamed internally as the rubbing alcohol burned my lip. Sucking it up, I went down and fixed myself some dinner.

And that, in a very large nutshell was my week. How was yours?

Slight Blog Intermission

Sarah N. asked me today when I would update both my blogs, particularly concerning the holiday party and all that we prepared for such. I informed her that since this week is primarily devoted to finals, finishing up projects and the biggest test that I will ever take in my life, it will be a while.

I know that my avid readers (all three of you and the occasional German or Canadian visitor) will be sorely upset by this. However, I will promptly return once I have regained consciousness and can coherently put together two sentences.

Until that time, pray for me and my endeavours.

My Greatest Mistake

Sarah N. came into town early on Friday to help me shop and prepare for the weekend's holiday party. Having only spent an hour shopping (which is amazing considering what all we had to get) and then running over to get a pizza for dinner, we decided to watch a movie and relax for the rest of the evening. Our feature presentation... Family Man. She had never seen it and obviously me being a fan, considering the fact that I own it, we dove in. However, somewhere around the middle, we both passed out.

Unfortunately due to the hectic schedule of the weekend's events, we were unable to finish it. However, she did pose a question to me that was quiet insightful, and again, uncharacteristic. She asked if there was any mistakes or choices that I've made in my past that I would change or do differently.

After sitting there for a few minutes and staring at my ceiling, I determined that there weren't any. There are very few mistakes that I have made in my life that I truly regret. None of which I believe proved detrimental. Although some would have made some situations more pleasant for the time being, the outcome would have been the same. For instance, the last few days of my last relationship, I was a bit harsh and moody. I will admit it. Although a change in my attitude would have made things less stressful, it would not have changed the outcome, for that I am certain.

My only real regret in life was one conversation...

It was during my finals in high school my sophomore year and I was writing a paper and was miserably sick. While sitting at the computer and becoming blind from staring at my composition for hours on end, the phone rang. Glad to have a distraction for a second, I answered it. On the other line was my sister, Tara. She and I chatted for a minute, she asked me how I was. Like she had opened a flood gate, I just poured on her all my worries and complained of my symptoms. I never once asked how she was or what she was up to. I didn't ask her how school was going (she was in law school), I simply just complained. She sweetly said that she hoped I felt better and not to worry, that it would all work out. She then asked to speak to our mother and I passed the phone along.

She died two days later.

That was the last night that I ever spoke to my sister. Not a day goes by that I wish I could have told her goodbye, or how much I loved her. I just complained, and she, being the caring and sweet older sibling, just sat there and took it. I have felt like a jerk bitch ever since that time. It was last time that I ever spoke to her, and I didn't have anything nice to say. Although, I am sure that she knew that I loved her, I wish so desperately that I had told her that day.

Its Officially Winter

This morning was the first frost at the river. Since all the rain this week, the river is swollen and raging like crazy. Many of the rocks that the turtles sunbathe on our completely covered and no where to be seen.

As I was walking to my car this morning, I could hear the river before I even opened the door. Then I noticed how the barrier surrounding the river was frosted over and there was ice in the puddles on the driveway. I had to scrape my windshield as well.

I love this time of year, but I must say that fall is by far my favorite time. A few weeks back, I took these pictures and forgot to post them.

It was like a blanket of golden awesomeness outside the courthouse. It makes me want a cup of hot chocolate.

Eh, what was that?

This week I went shopping once again at my favorite (yet expensive) grocery store. I was wondering up and down the aisles, had a good convo with the guy behind the meat counter and got everything that I need, except for one single item that just so happens to be the essential ingredient as it was not currently in stock. My inner monologue sounded something like a broken or scratched record. "What do you mean you don't have it?"

So, yesterday I called every Asian food market in town to find this tiny little inexpensive yet elusive item. Bingo! And off to Baxter Street I was during my lunch break. It wasn't until I got home last night after some more shopping for the party that I realized I left it in the fridge at work. "Well, crap."

At least I am not making it until tonight though. I just need to tie a mental ribbon around my finger as to not forget again.

I have noticed a lot more lately that my mind is just forgetting things like crazy. Monday, I forgot my coat and pumped gas in 30 degree weather at 7 a.m. The other night I forgot to advance the laundry, so last night I went in there and noticed that it had gotten sour and I had to wash it again. Ugh!

Oh well, time to start investing in ginkgo I guess.

See, what had happened was...

My infamous intro. This morning, I was most pleased when I stepped on the dreaded scale. Normally, around this time of year, I am packing on the pounds. I really thought that I was in for it when I went to DC, especially seeing as we were hitting every fast food joint up I-95.

Well, I have in fact, lost an additional 3 pounds. Which means that I am only two pounds away from my new goal that I set a few months back. However, since I have yet to gain the muscle mass/tone that I wanted, I am again lowering my goal. Only by five pounds. Any more and I will look anorexic. Therefore, I am now heading for 130. I figured that way I can afford to gain a few pounds of muscle and get back up to 135. 


Taken this weekend at the gala.

And, do not despair dearest family, at that point I will begin maintenance mode. I am just so excited though that the end is in sight. Furthermore, that finals are soon and the new year will be here before you know it. I can't wait.

Although, I am faced with one downer at the moment and I wish him all the best of luck. My youngest nephew faces surgery to repair a broken arm. The poor little can't catch a break. My heart goes out to him, my sis (don't fret too much, he probably won't remember any of this later in life), my BIL and my oldest nephew, as this can't be easy on any of them. Love you guys and miss you bunches!


My adorable nephew who seems to never be happy.

Is it Nap Time Yet?

Its Monday all right. Even though we got back in town by 10:00 pm, with not leaving until 10 and having a break down, we did make good time. I am still beat worn slap out though. It was painful to get up this morning.

Now I am just having to prepare for the week's upcoming events, that and the countdown to Christmas. I am ashamed to say that I have not even started on my shopping. I have some ideas, but that's about it. Furthermore, I have my annual get together this weekend, the big test the following weekend (which I haven't even studied for...eek!) Frannie's holiday party the same day, and I am now dizzy from thinking out and about to pass out. Just kidding.

It is a little overwhelming though when you lay it all out on the table. I also have to get new clothes soon as the ones that Sarah S. and I purchased together no longer fit. When I was at the gala this weekend, I got lots of comments like, "I didn't even recognize you," or "Are you eating?" I will say that some may have been slightly warranted considering that the top (the one from high school that I got so excited about) I had taken in two full inches. When I actually wore it this weekend, it still didn't fit. At this rate, I will shrink to non-existence.

Never ending car ride

Well, its the day after the Day of Thanks. I started this morning off at 6:30. No, not to hit the stores to beat the other crazy people for deals and steals, but to pack and begin the infamous road trip. That's right, even as I type this, I am sitting in the back of my car, as there was a mutiny. Not that I really care, I've gotten lots of sleep, and I did drive the first leg into South Carolina, but I haven't gotten behind the wheel since then.

As of now, it is approximately 7:00 PM and we are about 20 miles out of our final destination. Geez.

Another down side of being skinny...er, is that I have found that I cannot sit in the car as well nor for as long as I use to. My bum is officically flat and numb.

I just hope that we get there soon. I cannot wait to tour the city of Washington, DC with my brothers. We may even try to make it over the Ford's Theater. Super excited.

But, right now, I just want to get out of this car!

Turkey Day Cards?

I had no idea that people made nor sent Thanksgiving Day cards...until I bought one. I was on the phone about a week ago talking to an old friend. Old in the sense that I have known him since I was 16 and the fact that he is...old. He is my ex's father, the ex from college that is. I was friends with his entire family for years before I met and started dating him.

Anyway, we were just shooting the breeze and I told him all about my new place and how much I love it out there and how peaceful and quiet it is, but still not too far away from town. He then asked that I send him my new address. "Okay, I can give it to you right now." No, he wanted a card, so that he could save it somewhere. "Just send me a Thanksgiving Card."

"Do they even make those?"

Well, yes apparently they do. So, I sent him one and wished him a most joyous and heartwarming Thanksgiving imaginable. And, since this will be the last post til after the festive fest, I wish you all one as well.

Happy Turkey Day!

Training Assessment

Well, it was that time again last night. My three month assessment. I was scared to see what the results were. I stood there, patiently, as he grabbed hold on my skin and measured, and it even hurt when he grabbed my leg, as there wasn't much to grab. He felt bad and apologized. I will probably have a bruise later too.

Anyway, I watched as he plugged the numbers into the computer and waited for the screen to pop up with the chart. Although still drastic, the slope was not nearly as steep as last time. I also feel as though I have not been pushing myself as much as I should be. So, I have decided that I need to start running again, that is when I really felt like something was happening. Plus, I think that my body has gotten use to the whole cycling thing and it doesn't really do anything anymore. So, time to switch it up. You are suppose to work out in intervals anyway, right?

My Own Looking Glass...

I recently was unpacking and setting up my home office. The majority of those things had been packed since February, so needless to say, I wasn't sure what all I would find in there.

To my utmost surprise, I found a CD that had things I never knew existed. I started to search it, believing that it held only one thing, pictures from my trip to NYC. Well, it had a lot more than that. It reminded me of a conversation that Sarah N. and I had recently.

We were at dinner and reminiscing the past. The party next to us included an extremely pregnant woman there for her eggplant no less. It made us think about our friend Ben. We were trying to guess how old his daughter was now. Sarah said one, and I refused to believe it, thinking she was much older. "It seems like forever ago that she was born."

"Remember last year at the holiday party? Mary was still pregnant. She isn't even one yet." Then, Sarah, being uncharacteristically insightful, said, "It just seems like forever for you because of what all you have done this year."



She was right. This year has seemed like four to me. And that is where this story picks up. As I was going through the CD, picture after picture, some I could remember having them taken, others I could not place when or where I was.

 And, although I know that it is impossible for any of those pictures to have been any more than two years old, it seems like a life time ago, or even a different life. Looking at those pictures was like stepping through a mirror and witnessing an alternate life of mine. What would have been, rather than what was.

    

I still have a hard time believing that I was that big. In fact, one photo that I viewed happened to be me wearing the same outfit that I was. Like a strange episode the Twilight Zone, I looked in amazement at how the clothes barely fit me then, and how they still barely fit me, but in the opposite sense. 

So many, and which I refuse to post, were of me sleeping or in my bed reading. Why was I so lethargic? Why hadn't anyone said anything to me sooner?

 





 Then I saw one series of pictures and immediately began busting out laughing. I remember the incident like a movie in my head. It was a series of pictures of a squirrel, a squirrel which he was chasing and captured every second of it, even the retreat up the tree.  



It was fun and odd to be looking back. Like I said, I have a hard time remembering those incidences that are now forever captured and stored on a little sliver plastic disc.   

  

 

  



Your guess is as good as mine.

Blog Hiatus

I know that I have been slacking lately in the posting, but life is just soooo busy right now.

This weekend, I had a birthday party with Mel (we had a blast btw). We had dinner at Speakeasy, bounced about town, and then Jordan, his girlfriend, Mel and I threw our best moves down at 8Es.

Interesting side story. Jordan is the sibling of Joy, there are four siblings in total, all with "J" names. Jordan went to high school with Sarah S. and he then later met Sarah N., and me when I turned 21. Thennnnn... Joy was friends with my ex because she was dating his friend Tamar at the time, who was also friends with Mel and Lin, therefore creating this big huge loop of how we all know the notorious "J's." Life's little quirks, huh?

Then, at dinner, I arrived slightly late, and when I got there, I sat down in front of someone who looked especially familiar. She said the same. I thought, and thought, and then it hit me. The night that I was Sarah S.'s wing woman, the night before my vaca to Florida, this girl was winging for the guy that Sarah was interested in. We both looked at each other and it hit at the same time. "Bing!"

Anyway, Saturday morning was spent on the sofa, watching my favorite childhood movie, The Princess Bride. Then I was off to the big ATL for a little debautury with Sarah N. which resulted in my temporary loss of hearing and the constant ringing in my head. "Somebody answer the damn phone!"

Then Sunday morning, it was more time on the couch, Sarah's though, and then off to get coffee with my surrogate sis Katie. Its funny, she is in town now, and we are leaving soon for DC. We are temporarily switching places. Anyway, we chatted it up for a good hour, laughing so hard that I actually cried.

Then I had to say my goodbyes and headed back to town for a title exam the following morning. Whoever said that the Clerk's office opens at 8:00 lied! They are in there, but the door was most certainly locked.

Now, I sit here, deciding which recipes to go with for Thanksgiving as it will be at my house. I found out that my family isn't coming until the morning of, which means that we are going to have to burn some rubber to get everything fixed in time, and have the chairs built and covered before its time to sit down. Either that, or it will be Thanksgiving Asian style (on the floor).

I'm already out of breath just thinking about what all needs to be done. Here's to hoping it all works out.

Its Just Stuff- Bill

This week has really flown by, and I mean that. Its seems like yesterday I was driving home from my parents. Eeek.

First and foremost, today is my mother's birthday, so...HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA!!!!

Moving on. Now, this week has been a crazy one, let me tell you. Tuesday I finally got my hair cut (it was starting to get at that awkward stage where you didn't know what to do with it) and had dinner with Sarah S. We finally got to celebrate that thing. You know, the one that I mentioned ever so vaguely last week that I am continuing to remain vague on. We headed over to my favorite tapas place, with coupon in hand, and enjoyed our sangria.

While at dinner, I received a most disturbing phone call. It was from my neighbor, the one who use to live in my unit. Apparently the unit two doors down from mine had their water main bust. It flooded three other units as well. He asked if he could check my unit for damage, seeing as he is the agent and still has a key. I told him to stop talking to me and do it already.

Sarah and I sat there, in total silence, waiting for the phone to ring. (She loves my place too and is still jealous that I live there). Finally, a few minutes later, all is well. The water apparently stopped at my neighbors and ruined her brand new hard wood floors. My heart breaks for all those who experienced water damage. I poked my head in when I arrived home that night. ServePro was there and already tearing down his drywall. All his belongings were soaked. I couldn't believe how optimistic he was though. He told me that he had picked up vase that his grandson had made him and it completely crumbled in his hand. "He'll make another one though. Its just stuff."

He made me start thinking. If the same had happened to me, I would have been devastated. Mostly because my furniture is all antique and belonged to various family members, some of which I have never met. But, he was right. If I had lost those items, it doesn't change the fact that were are still family or the fact that I still love them, although they are now gone.

Its just stuff. I am going to try to apply that to my everyday life now... that is where applicable.

I do, however, want to capture more moments from now on. In light of the fact my family will be spending Thanksgiving at my place, I purchased something rather unique. I wanted to make sure that I took photos of everyone together, especially when we start decorating the tree together. Those are moments that I am going to want to freeze in time.

So, I bought this little beauty. Don't worry, I did my research and have already purchased the correct film for it and found out that a camera shop in town will develop the rolls and place on a disc for me for about nine bucks. Can't wait.

Intervention of Fate

As I had said in Monday's post about my parents wanting me to take it easy, I now have no choice. I registered for my very last class at ATC. It just so happens that the class is during the exact time of my spin class. So, for three months, I am going to have to find some sort of alternative. I just don't know what would be comparable in intensity and difficulty.

My friends say that I should take it as a sign that I am done and just need to maintain what I have accomplished. My problem is that I am addicted though. I am addicted to exercise. If I don't for a while, my muscles actually start to hurt and I can feel myself getting lethargic again. Nope, na ha, not going to happen.

I may just finally make myself purchase running pants, warm running pants, and start doing that again. Either that or finally fix the tire on m bike. Either one.

Reason 197 Why My Cat is AWESOME

My cat has GPS.

I first got this ball of hilarity in January of this year. His previous owner was a vet student and could no longer keep him as she was bringing her dogs to her new place and was sure that they would not mix. So, she carted him over and stayed for a few minutes, explained how to properly apply his flee medicine and then left.

He cried and cried. The next morning he woke at 5 am and cried, and cried, and cried. I was ready to kill the little guy, but could empathize that he was scared and didn't know what was going on. Finally, after having listened to him for two hours, I got out of bed and was getting ready. As I was walking out of the door for work, Mo decided that he would too. He ran right out and into the woods behind my house. Didn't have him for more than 12 hours before he flew the coop.

Well, Home Again was called and notified of his escape. The vet student was notified, and I went out to her place during lunch to see if maybe he tried to find his way back to her. For a straight week people had been searching for him.

Then, one night, on my way to pick up Matt from work. I was coming up to the bridge when a small animal ran in front of my car. I could have sworn that it was Mo, and that there was no way that it had gotten away in time. I cried the entire way there and back. He had to drive back and to humor me drove over the bridge numerous times to see if there was an animal on the side of the road.

Later that night, while in the garage (which the door had been cracked that whole week) Mo came running in for some food. Not wanting to freak him out, Matt pulled the cord on the garage opener and manually closed it so that he could run off again. I was so relieved that he was okay and had come back.

Well, when I moved a few weeks ago, I was concerned that he would stage yet another escape. I knew that I would have to let him outside, seeing as he hates the litter box and will sit at the door and cry until you let him out to use the restroom...or dirt.

He did fine though. I suppose that it was easier for him in light of the fact that it was just a new place he was getting use to and not new people in addition to it. He loves it out there and will be waiting in the flower bed next to where I park my car every day for me to come home.

This weekend was the first that I had been gone overnight since moving. I didn't think that it would be a problem seeing has his transition went smoothly. I put his food out and made sure that he had lots of water, and thought all would be fine until I returned the next day. When I got home Sunday night, he was no where to be found. Not a problem, he has been gone overnight before himself. But, it was after the fact that he didn't come home last night that had me worried. The last two nights in a row I would have the blinds on the window up so that if he were to come up I could see him. Each night, I passed out on the sofa waiting for him to poke his little face up against the glass. And, each night I would wake up at 3 am to find that he hadn't.

Finally, this morning, I got up early, walked around the complex, in the rain, through the woods and nothing. My final, and last ditch effort, I got into my car and drove over to the old neighborhood. I pulled up to my old house and the second that I got out of the car, there he was running up to me. I scooped him up and brought him home. Without missing a beat, he walked in and ran for the food and then laid on the sofa for a nap.

How did he know how to get back to the old house? He must have thought that was where I had gone and was coming to get me. Either that, or I am allowing my kitty parent brain run away with me. But, you have to admit, that is pretty cool that he is so aware of his surroundings and can remember that well. I am sure that if I had waited until this evening to go looking for him, he would probably have been waiting on the front porch for me when I got home.

Absolutely Amazing

I was visiting my folks this weekend and to celebrate the monkey butt's birthday (21st woot!), and somehow allowed my brothers to talk me into going to DC with them to Annual SAR Potomac Gala. So, in a few weeks time, it will be me and my two brothers road tripping to DC. That spells only one thing...t-r-o-u-b-l-e. We always have a great time together, and usually leave quite a wake too! I'm thoroughly excited though. I haven't been to DC in probably 2 years, and this will be my second vaca this year. Woot again.

While we were talking about what all we needed to do to prepare for this, Kev and I dove into my old room and dug out some of my old formals. Yeah, none of them fit, some, it was so obvious that there was no point in even thinking about it, unless you just really needed a laugh. Finally, I found one that I though might fit. I pulled it out and threw it on. Believe it or not, it was still too big. This dress I have not worn since I was a senior in high school. You read that right...HIGH SCHOOL. I have to get it taken in an inch on both sides. My parents freaked when they saw it on me. Although happy for the fact that I have lost so much weight and have completely turned my life around... they begged me throughout dinner to go into maintenance mode.

I explained to them that I have a few more pounds to shed and some muscles to gain, but that the journey was soon over. My mother went into overly protective mode this weekend as well. In fact, before she would let me leave to come home, she made me eat something, afraid that I would get sick on the way.

Mama, I love you, but stop "smothering." I am being careful, and I know that I am not eating as much as I should and I am prepared to purchase some protein powder to make shakes to insure that I make up for it.

Now, do not think that I have become anorexic, because I haven't. I just physically cannot eat as much as I use to, and I don't think to eat because I am never hungry. Strange huh?

Dx: Senioritis

As of yesterday, I registered for my last quarter at ATC. That's it, Civil Lit and my internship. I have a measly four months left. I cannot wait to be finished and actually have some spare time... for a minute.

I remember way back when in March when I set out my course of "the plan." I cannot believe that the first leg is nearing its end. Furthermore, that step two is exactly a month away, and once its over, its over.

Time has really surprised me at how fast its flown by. I mean, think about it, its crazy! Seven months ago, I laid down the course for the next five years of my life, moved, lost 45 pounds, gone through three wardrobes, gotten fantastic news at work (which I'm sure you can only guess what it was), all in seven months. SEVEN MONTHS! Most can't do that in a year.

Now you may be able to understand my senioritis. Really it kicked in last quarter, but now its in full swing. I am a little freaked out that there is only four weeks left of this quarter, and I still have so much to do. I have a paper to write (worth 60% of my final grade for Office Management), two more projects for Real Estate including a title exam and settlement agreement, and three more tests in precal. I am freaked out by what all I have to do, but at the same time lack the motivation to get a move on. How does that work? Only me I guess.

Call me P.I.

This morning while I was walking to my car, my neighbor, the one who cooks me all the wonderful goodies, caught me and gave the most delicious home made ginger snap I have ever had. It was huge! The size of a pancake.

Anyway, I stood there for a good bit just shooting the breeze with her, forgetting that I was now officially running late for real estate, and the whole time, all I could think about was the fact that I could not remember her name. Sarah and I had been battling over what it was for a while (well, at least a week anyhow).

After coming, late, and meekishly (word?) finding an open seat, I sat there in class. Half listening to the professor, trying to think of ways to find out what my amazing neighbor's name was. I had already asked the guy who lived in the unit prior to me, but he had no idea either. Grrr.

Then, a stroke of brilliance hit. We were talking about real estate closings and taxes...and I immediately though, tax assessors office! Of course. I know her address, she lives next to me, durh. All I had to do was enter the information and see what came up. Tada!

And, just so that it is here in writing... I was right! Sarah, her name is Melanie. Aha.

While I was on there, just for fun, I also looked up my unit. Eek! Its expensive and I officially have 1224 square feet to prance about. My landlady is also the original owner of the unit once it had been converted into a loft from the factory. I love knowing those little factoids.

Now, who else can I look up?

Reinforced Steel

When my mom was up last, she and I sat down by the river and had a nice, long chat. Mainly about how happy she was that I had finally moved and was able to shake that cloud hovering over my head. She knew just as well as I did that the house served only as my prison, and I needed escaping.

She then told me that one thing good did come from all of this, that I was a much stronger person now than I was two years, or even ten months, ago.

My family has always called me the "Rock." Meaning that whenever there was a problem, they knew that they could count on the fact that I could hold things together. When my sister died, that's really when my strength was first noticed. I was fifteen.

That is how I got the nickname in high school of "heartless monster." I didn't let the stupid, little, petty things get to me. I didn't have time to waste on "high school drama."

Well, I started thinking about what my mother had said, and I was wondering if what she was talking about was really strength or cynicism. Had I become a stronger person than the already solid rock that I was, or did I just take on a new perspective of the world? Am I stronger, or just a cynic?

This question remains unanswered for now. However, I am hoping that I can conclude that I am the former.

Bruise Fairy Strikes Again

Granted, I knew that I was bound to be more "bony" once the weight really started coming off, but I had no idea to this extent. Unfortunately, due to my native heritage, large, bony hips just come with the package. No escape, none what so ever.

Lately, I have started getting this unexplained bruises again, on my ankles (I suspect shoes as the culprits) and on my knees (perhaps cycling). However, I never thought that I would get them on my hips, nor that sleeping would prove to be painful. I noticed it more particularly last night than anything.

I was watching a movie as I fell asleep and could not get comfortable lying on my side, which is my preferred position. My hip just kept jamming into my absolutely "stiff as a board" mattress (which I love for my bad back). When I woke this morning, my sides were really hurting and I could see where a new bruise was forming. No me gusta!

I may be investing in a pillow top soon, either that or just learn to sleep on my back and/or stomach.

Perhaps I need to also set up a camera and catch this bat wielding fairy on tape. Then people will believe me!

A Bit Pompous

I was telling Sarah when she was over earlier this week that I was feeling a bit snooty/pompous and quiet grown up.

There we were sitting in my loft about to enjoy a meal that we created which I bought the ingredients for from Earth Fare. I have been eating organic for the better part of the year, but that was the first time that I had a shopping spree at the healthy supermarket (per their logo).

Everyday I come home to the sound of a roaring river, fall asleep in my fourposter, complete with curtains, and every morning place my slender toes down on my hard wood floors.

Although I am still that cute/adorable/lovable person that you all know, I can't help but feel that my lot in life right now is pretty perfect. I'm 25, I live alone, and I love it!

I have fantastic neighbors that when ever we pass, there are always stop and chats. My cat (who thinks that he is a dog by the way) takes walks with me out there, and I love that I can just sit and look out and the wonders of nature.

When I left Five Points the other night, I was thinking about how much I love that part of town. Particularly the buzz and night life surrounding Yoforia. Sarah and I have yet to make a date to the new pub, but we are planning on it.

Weekend Circus

First blog in a while, I know, but it took a while to recuperate from these last few weeks of craziness. This whole moving thing has got be the worst thing that I have ever personally done to myself. Why, oh why didn't I hire a moving service? All right, we already know the answer to that question...I'm cheap.

Friday, I took off work and woke at the crack of dawn, actually, it was an hour before dawn to head over and finally get my keys. I patiently waited in the parking lot for the agent to emerge from his unit to walk his dog. Finally, I had the keys in my hand and I was already making trip, after trip, after trip, carrying the assorted belongings of mine that I had compacted into my tiny car. After unloading everything, I then spent the next hour putting things away and single handedly putting my bed together. Only a few mishaps, but within 30 minutes I had a fully assembled fourposter.

Doesn't that look delicious?

That day, I must have made more than thirty trips, back and forth. Sarah S. accompanied me for the last 10. During that time, one of my neighbors poked her head in and asked me if I had any special diet restrictions. When I replied "No," she shouted out, "Thank God!" She then further explained to me that she had a loaf of bread in her machine and was going to half it with me because she and her husband would never be able to devour it in time.

Pleased that I had made a friend so quickly, I thanked her profusely when she carted the package over. It was so cute lying on parchment paper and boy was it delicious.

Finally calling it quits around 9, I prepared myself for the next day's adventure.

This load almost toppled out of the truck

That morning, I again packed my car to max capacity and patiently awaited the arrival of Jacki (with her truck) and Sarah and Ben. Once all parties were assembled, we grabbed hold of my large furniture items and loaded them up. Most of the time it consisted of Ben on one side with Sarah and I holding the other and Jacki directing us. I was most pleased when we had finished, particularly with the washer and dryer, just a few minutes after noon.

Then, it was time for Sarah N. and I to attack the mess that was lurking in my new place. You literally couldn't take more than two steps together. Close to 6, we had successfully unpacked all the boxes, made my bed, attacked the bathroom, and arranged a living room. What a piece of mind.

I am still in the process of arranging things, and waiting for my folks to come and get the wicker furniture that is currently pushed into one corner. Once that is done, I will finally feel at home.

I must say that it is amazing to come home everyday to the sound of a roaring river and enter my enormous loft. I absolutely love it and cannot believe my luck...still.

This is my actual view

Last night, after devouring out amazing creation, Sarah S. and I were finishing up the rock bath mat when my neighbor brought me over some molten chocolate brownies. I love her! Just keep it coming Mel, just keep it coming. (Note: this is not the same Mel that I blog about frequently. Although, I do love them both.)

Final Farewell...

As I packed my belongings and bittersweet memories flooded my mind, I thought about me, my disposition, and my path.

I still see faded images walking up and down the hallway. Glancing over at me and doing the signature move of pushing the sliding eye glasses up with the side of an index finger. I hear laughter followed by the image of a scrunched up nose and a convulsing body, as though it could no longer stand the hilarity of a situation any longer. Talking to the tv as if the news correspondent could actually hear him and respond.

Hopefully my final night will be the last that I wake startled from the silence.

The time has finally come to say goodbye. To let go of certain things that I have yet to be able to. That girl, the one that would anxiously sit, straining her ear for the sound of a motorcycle entering the neighborhood so that she could run and open the garage. That girl that sat there completely in love and in complete satisfaction and content with her life. I have come to the point where it is finally time to let her go. To move on in life and to go forward on this new path and discover with lies within.

I am so proud of her though. She literally went through hell and back. Rather than let it get the best of her and lay on the couch in her sorrow, she fought back. Although her heart, in spite of her denials of actually having one, was the one thing holding her back. Her fear of finding that again. Her fear of letting something go that she had worked so hard for and sacrificed so much to maintain it, its time to let all that go. No more memories of what was, or what could have been. It is finally time to leave all that behind.

She was good to me, and perhaps she harbored and kept safe what innocence and self love I had left. I have since restored it to myself and must say my goodbyes.

A new year approaches, and I feel as though that veil, the one which shrouded my life in shadow, has finally come off. No more mourning lost loves. No more mourning what could have been. Life will and has moved on, and so will I.

Its time to embrace the uncertain and forge on.

Getting my DIY on

I was reading a blog yesterday and got this great idea. Okay, I stole it. Anyway, it totally works though with the setting of my new place. Being on the river and all.

So, I ventured over to the Dollar Store (I dream on a budget) and bought eight bags of rocks, all the super glue they had and a carpet square all... a dollar each. Who would have thunk it?

 Anyway, I got home after having heaved and hoed to get the heavy 16 pound bag of rocks into the house during an absolute down pour. In the floor I cut all the bags open and dumped them onto the floor. (Did I mention that I typically make a lot of messes when I play?) Then I grabbed my preexisting toilet mat and cut the old welcome mat that I no longer use into the same shape.

This is particularly difficult if you have already packed your good scissors and only have the little ones from your knife block that you purchased from Ikea. Lesson learned.

Then it was time for the sticky stuff. For this particular project, I went through five tubes of crazy glue. And, I haven't attempted the bath mat yet. I need to make another trip to the store for that one.

Moving on. Rock by rock, I glued them down, careful to not bump the others because it took a good couple of hours for them to get firm. I also had to watch and make sure that I wasn't inadvertently creating patterns or lining them up.

To help aid in that, I would periodically turn the rug around and start working in another corner and continue there. It was like working a giant puzzle with a million pieces, but with a little help from the Beatles, I made it through. I finished up at around midnight and placed a flatten box on top and placed a heavy piece of furniture on top to help it dry correctly and securely.

 I have to admit, I couldn't help it. This morning when I woke, I walked over and removed the items from on top and placed my bare feet on it. The rocks felt so cool and smooth. I cannot wait until I make the other one. Although I might wait a day. The super glue has a tendency to remove the top layer of your epidermis. My fingers feel a little raw right now, and I will be pulling out glue "strings" from under my nails for a week.

The final project is pretty cool though. Although very heavy. I love the variations in the colors. It makes me happy. I can't wait until they are completely finished and in the new place.