Promises, promises.

With the new year fast approaching, I was thinking the other day of what my New Year's Resolution would be. Normally, I don't make them. I kind of feel that if I decide to do something, I will do it, not wait for the new year. No time like the present, right? However, in thinking about what all I have accomplished this year and the fact that the New Year is soon, I figured, what the hell.

So, here it is. I am going to try to "put myself out there." Socialize more. Many have asked why it is that I am still single, or why it is that I have yet to "market myself." My explanation/excuse has been that I simply do not have the time. Granted, my schedule is busy with all my activities, work, school, gym, cooking, but somehow I have managed to see Sarah S. at least once a week and been able to do numerous other activities as well. So really, if I were to sit down and plan, I would have the time. So, I guess the only thing that is really holding me back is... me.

I am concerned with, and have mentioned to several of you, about losing control of my life. I feel as though that is my real deterrent. I have big issues with letting go of certain things. Like in a previous post, I have worked so hard for what I have, and I refuse to let anything stand in the way of that.

When people are trying to pin me down for dates or times to go out and do things, I am constantly thinking "I still want Wednesday free for me, can't do it Tuesday or Thursday because of the gym,..." I am the excuse queen. I even have trouble with scheduling with my trainer, which is what irritates me more when he has to cancel. It takes me forever to chose a day, and then I have to go through the entire process again, because he double booked?!? Agh.

I use to love doing things in the middle of the week though. Earlier this year, I had a blast with my on the whim nights, like Lindsay's birthday. Normally, I would shy away from doing anything like that, unless it were really, really important. As we all know Lindsay's birthday is.

In trying to take all that in and forcing myself to "let go," I am going to try to make myself more readily available for outings. I am going to say "yes" more than I do "no." This will just be one more mental hurdle that I am going to have to over come.

Here goes.

No Fluffing Required

It has been said by many, usually following my response to some mushy, gushy, overly sappy story, that I am just not normal. Particularly when it comes to expressing those types of feelings. Usually when my friends tell me stories of sweet things their significant others have done, I usually follow up with "vomit." I can't handle it. Can't take it.

I especially grow exceedingly suspicious of those who are overly complimentary. I can handle the occasional "you look nice today," but anything further and I get extremely uncomfortable. My immediate thought is, "what are you up to," or "what do you want?"

When guys in the past have tried to be super sweet or romantic to me, my gag reflex kicks in. I can hardly stand it in movies too. I will occasionally get those girly, high pitched cute noises out of me, but most times I have to cover my face with a pillow. Is that sad, that my reaction to someone expressing their love is the same as if their finger was getting cut off?

Even a slow dance sends me running for the sidelines. I can swing dance, line dance, and shake my booty anytime, anywhere, but when you crank up the ballads, I'm out.

It makes me wonder though. Is there something fundamentally wrong with me, or am I just quirky like that? Perhaps I need a sign on my back that says "Saps Need Not Apply."

Bouncing Mere (In Stores Now)

Last night, I was at the gym. (Like you haven't heard that before). I did my warm up, did my abs, which included cable crunches (which I love by the way!), and then it was time to sit out in the hallway by the door and consume my power bar. As I sat there and waited for the class to end, I recalled thinking, "Is that Rich in there? Oh well, must be teaching a double tonight."

Then I noticed that it was rather odd that I was the only one out in the hallway. Although, folks have been known to get there in the nick of time, so I really didn't think much more of it. When the class let out, I walked in, moved over to my bike and began to put my cycle shoes down when I was asked if I had read the schedule this week. "Um, obviously not I guess."

Class was canceled! Who does that? Who has time to get to the 5:30 class? I mean really. I can barely get there before 5:30 and change and all that. Grrrrr.

So, I asked him what I could do and that I had to do something because I had eaten that bar. So, I went out and got on the treadmill for 35 el minutes-o, and sweat was pouring down my face like a big fat pig. Thinking that was enough, I grabbed my stuff and headed over to the store.

I still had waaaayyy too much energy. I was bouncing up and down the aisles, jumping on my cart and riding down to the ends. Was way to perky with the cashier and manager. When I got home, I was jumping around my house while doing the smallest of things. I jumped all the way over to the thermostat to turn it on, I jumped over to the stairs to put my gym bag on them. I jumped over to the stove to start dinner. Basically I was hopping all over that joint, and scaring the crap out of the cat as well.

I couldn't sit/stand still. I was even jumping in the shower. I am sure that my neighbors love me now. Particularly Jake. He is the guy that lives above and below me. Its really hard to explain, but his kitchen is above my kitchen, and my bedroom is over his. Our stairs run parallel to one another. Our lofts are basically exact opposites of one another. Anyway.....

I am just trying to figure out how to get rid of all this energy. Especially since that time is approaching where I will back in school and my one class is conveniently the same time as spin. I will still be able to make to the weekend class, but what will I do in the middle of the week to get some good old fashion cardio? If it didn't get so dark so quickly, I would start running outdoors again.

Any suggestions from the peanut gallery?

Chance Reunion

This Christmas was chaotic, as is any with my family, but I did get one huge surprise out of it. Christmas Eve we always spend at my maternal grandmothers, but this year, we met during the day. My cousin is a police office and unfortunately since he is the rookie, had to work. So, we met to accommodate his schedule. Shortly after we had cleaned the dishes and unwrapped the presents, it was time for me to head out. I had promised my best friend from high school that I would come and visit her.

It had been approximately four to five years since I last saw her and felt terrible about that. There are very few memories of my childhood that don't contain her. I mean really, you all have heard the tales of Mere and Darcy. We were riots if I say so myself. Anywho. As I called her to let her know that I was on my way, and to prepare, she informed me that another crazy cat would be joining us. Jazzy. I had not seen Jazzy since graduation, and that is no lie. I was so excited.

When I got there, I hugged her parents' necks and we all sat and chatted while waiting on Jazzy's arrival. Then, Darcy informed me that she had had surgery where they had to deflate her lung. She then preceded to tell me that it was no big deal. Um, any procedure where it is necessary that the deflate the thing that makes you breathe and stay alive, is a big deal. Geez.

Moving on. When Jazzy got there, we tried to think of where we wanted to go or what we wanted to do. I don't know who thought of it first, but it was genius. We knew, just knew, that another friend of ours was in town for the holidays and we had to see her. So, we plied in Darcy's car and off we went to find Julie. As we pulled into her driveway, we were all so worried about whether or not she would (1) remember us and (2) want to see us. The two nut heads that I was with started getting all nervous, but I made them stand on the porch with me as we rung the door bell. Her father answered the door and immediately brought us into the living room. "I remember your faces very well, but the names, now you are going to have to help me on that one."

One by one, we reintroduced ourselves. He couldn't believe it. Then down the stairs came Julie's little sister, Michelle, who hung out with us a lot as no one in her year was cool. (Ha, that's right, we were considered the cool kids). Then Julie's older brother came in, Tyler, he hugged Darcy and Jazzy, and then tried to shake my hand and introduced himself. "Dude, we use to work in the office together," were my thoughts, but before I could say anything, he remembered. "Mere!"

Finally, we heard more steps coming down the stairs, JULIE!!! As she came in the room, she had to do a double take. She later told us that she almost started to cry, that she couldn't believe it. It was like magic was in the air. We later found out that she was leaving the next morning to fly back to Utah. Lucky.

We then decided to head over to our old stomping grounds and had dinner in Fayetteville, Applebees to be exact. We just started talking about the past and reminiscing about all the crazy stuff we did in school, all the stupid boys that we dated. We talked about what we are doing now and how much things have changed since we left. It was a terrific night. We laughed harder than I think anyone of us had in a while. We remembered things that I haven't thought about since I left that school.

When I got home that night, I told my mother that I had an amazing time, truly amazing. I forgot about what great times there were in high school. It seems that we tend to only focus on the bad, and forget the good. Well, that night, I got a big dose of it!

As we were saying our goodbyes, we realized that we all have known one another for close to fifteen years, and the fact that we hadn't seen one another for close to seven. Unacceptable ladies! This shall not happen again. We were talking at dinner about planning a skiing trip out to see Julie after the new year. Sign me up!

My Life in the Frozen Tundra

I don't recall having moved to the Arctic Circle, but apparently I have. Granted, I am thrilled to have gotten to see a White Christmas in my life time. Particularly since the last time Georgia saw one, cameras didn't exists. Okay, perhaps that's a stretch, but according to this its been since 1882.

Anyway, this morning I woke up thinking that the snow surely would have been gone by now. Nope. Still snow covered river banks. Then, as I was walking down my porch stairs, I barely noticed some ice on them and almost slipped. Last night at the gym, as if an omen or something, ice barred the entrance from all visitors. I had to help this elderly woman across the ice so that she wouldn't slip. Apparently not going to visit the gym though, just cutting through from the old folks home to go shopping.

This morning my car was completely frosted over. While I was scraping the ice off, it would transfer to my gloves and stick like glue. My fingers were absolutely freezing! Then, as I was pulling out of the drive, a red bug was in front of me. I was so afraid that she would slip and slide all over the place as "black ice" was all around. Finally, I made to the road, safe and sound. The actual roads here are fine, but I noticed in my car that the thermometer said that it was a whopping 19 degrees out.

Ahhh. The same goes for the parking lot at work. There were places all around where folks had dumped out their coffee from their cars and it was frozen solid to the ground. This morning when I went to change out the backup disk, I almost considered staying in the control room. It was sooooo warm. But no, back to my cubicle!

Hopefully Georgia will be... Georgia once more and have an unseasonably warm January and February. Fingers crossed! They just might get frozen that way.

Loaded Pistol

These last few days have been absolutely tiring for me. For three straight days I have gone to the gym. Normally, I don't do that, there is usually a day of rest in between. But I tell you what, my muscles feel fantastic. I'm mentally exhuasted, but my body feels great. Who needs a brain anyhow?

I have noticed something different about me in the last few days though. I have been more competitive than ever. It may be due to a number of things: getting my grades back and doing better in precal than I thought, news at work, getting ready to see family, finishing shopping, the new year, but what I really think did it was my trainer.

I know that I have been hard on him, complaining about his inability to keep a scheduled appointment, and his overall lack of a brain, but he said something the other day that really hit home with me. I know that it was complete lie, and afraid that I took it poorly, later asked me if I knew he was kidding. I was in the middle of our row/exercise/row/exercise routine when he said, "Come on, I had a 75 year old in here earlier today and she didn't complain."

Now, of course I knew he was kidding, but it made me start thinking. I thought about all those mental blocks about working out that I had built up over the years and the ones that I have spent the last year tearing down. I starting thinking about whether or not I was really pushing myself anymore. Granted, what I do now would seem impossible when thrown at the old Mere, from the beginning of this year, but I'm not her anymore. My fitness level has grown tremendously, so, it is time to raise the bar once more.

I caught myself trying to race the guy on the treadmill next to me yesterday. I had thoughts such as,"Come on, you are really giving up now? Ten minutes is not nearly enough little man." During all this, I shaved four minutes off my time. I noticed the other day that I have more bounce now when I run and that sometimes my ear buds almost fall out. When I went to the store the other day following the gym, I was bouncing and bounding up the aisles.

In spin last night, I started thinking about whether or not I was really pushing myself. Granted, I know that I usually work out for a full hour beforehand that my stomach is usually weak by then, but I've started bringing power bars with me. Last night I work really hard during the fast standing intervals that I was afraid my pants would wiggly right off. (I really need to go shopping!)

So, like a trigger had gone off in my head, I am happy and thrilled about the new possibilities that I can create for myself with this new attitude. I just hope that (1) I can stave off the "meat head" mentality and (2) that it lasts through Christmas with all my mom's delectable holiday treats. Darn you woman and your awesome cooking!

Mere-y Christmas...Party

I have to say that every year after the party I proclaim to the world  with fists of rage, that it was so stressful that I am never doing it again. However, this year, I made no such promise. This year seemed so different. No stress, no running out of time. Everything worked out and ran as smooth as glass.

It started with Sarah N. getting into town the same time that I got off work. Although she did have one detour before getting to my house... she brought be a peppermint milkshake. Awww. After devouring my treat (remember I am addicted to mint) we headed off to the store. It only took us an hour to get everything and while we were there, we even order our dinner for the night.

Then we headed over to get our pizza where I was complimented on my hat (I like wearing hats and brooches. Yes, I know that I am old). Then we got home, unloaded the car, put away the groceries, and then nestled on the couch with pizza and beer for a little movie.

The next morning, we woke up, went and got breakfast (somebody had to have a biscuit and couldn't wait on me to make pancakes). We watched yet another movie while we finished our meal, then watched another movie while we started to cook. The time literally flew by and it didn't feel rushed at all. It was all completely calm.

When Sarah went up to get ready, I did some last minute things. Let roomba out, hung a painting that Sarah S. and I had done earlier that week, and some general straightening up. After I put roomba away, I went over to fix the lights under the Christmas tree because he had gotten caught on them a little. I reached down and immediately felt like a hot knife had gone through my finger. I screamed. "What happened?!?" I heard come from the top of the stairs. Not quiet sure myself, I looked around and saw little pieces of broken glass on the floor and one empty like socket on the string of lights. 1 + 1= ouch! The damn light had electrocuted me. So, I carefully reached down and rearranged the lights, went upstairs and per Sarah request, ran my finger under some cold water.

While I was getting ready, and having previously unlocked the door in anticipation of such, Dustin arrived. The first words out of his mouth were, "Whoa, this is sick!" He couldn't get over how large the place was. Apparently they look small on the outside. The rest of the night he was trying to talk Lindsay into moving there. Yay, new neighbors!


Anyway, while he was finishing up his cooking, Mel and Nick came, then Lindsay arrived. The party was getting started. When we had completed putting together the spread, it was hilarious. We were all just standing there starring at the table. We could not believe how gorgeous it looked. Dustin, Sarah and I were just taking pictures to remember what it looked like before we dove in.

Shortly thereafter, my baby brother and his best friend, Hudson, arrived. I have known him since he was just a little guy in elementary school with Kev. Now he is so freaking tall. A few minutes later, O'Hara showed up, another LHS survivor and good friend to Kev. She thinks that it is hilarious that I make my own laundry detergent and has stated that the next time I do it, she wants to help so that she can learn.

                                                             About an hour later, Rickey and Britt showed up. It was funny watching Rickey try to work my stove. He had never cooked with gas before, and Dustin had to show him how. I laughed pretty hard, not gonna lie. Although, I was laughing a lot that night, most particularly because Dustin decided to be festive. When I say festive, I mean that Dustin was making shot after shot of peppermint schnapps and Bailey's. No one else would take shots with him, so I obliged.

Needless to say, by the time 10:30 rolled around I was a bit tipsy, okay, I was drunk. I was trying to help clean up the food so that we all could go down town. I bent down to look in the cabinet for some tubberware for the leftovers, and Dustin bumped me. Yep, I was on the floor. So I stayed there. I sat by the fridge and loaded the items into that were handed to me. It worked out pretty well.

Then we grabbed our coats and jumped into the cars. We had a great time. There was some dancing at Firehouse, some sitting at Allgood, and I sat a lot at 8Es. Mostly because, and I am not proud to admit it, but I sat on a stool and fell right off. I remember it happening too, in slow motion. I recall thinking, "why is the floor getting closer?" (I'm still laughing at myself.)

Anyway, dear, dear Sarah was our fearless leader that night and got us home safely. No one, and I mean no one, got up before 2:00 that day. Sarah was a great mom and even tucked Dustin onto the couch with a blanket. I was proud of myself too. I made it up to my bed room without hurting myself. That's 20 stairs folks, 20! 



Too cute, so I had to add it

It was a great weekend, and I can't wait to do it again. New Year's anyone!

Sarah N. requested that I post about what all we cooked. So, I did on my other blog.

Pre Christmas Mania

During the past week, I had been unable to finish start my Christmas shopping. It was funny, I managed to order things for my boss and co-worker for Christmas seeing as they didn't have an online account, had then delivered and/or picked them up for them, but had done any shopping myself.

Finally, having finished a rather large/depressing undertaking at work (reviewing medical records never makes anyone happy) I had decided that this Saturday was the designated day. I decided to make the most of it. I went done to the same town that my sister lives in to do the shopping and to visit my grandmother (the one who just went under hospice care).

Sarah N. was generous enough to agree to meet me and help me with getting it all done. She kept me clam and collected as crowds freak me out. It was particularly crowded that day too! She even had to stand in a parking spot for me while I hurried as fast as I could to get there before someone tried to run her over.

After only a few hours, we had finished. We visit four stores and managed to get a little late lunch/early dinner as well. I am really appreciative for her help. Now I just have to wrap it all.

Following my departure from the outlet, I headed over to the nursing home. It is in some unknown vortex or something. It took me forever to find it and it was only 2 miles from my sister's house! Geez louise, I tell you. I visited with her for an hour. I hadn't seen her in what seems like forever. Trying to think back, I am afraid to say that it was probably last Christmas. She hasn't been feeling well for a long time and therefore hasn't been at many family functions.

After my visit, I then headed over to my BIL's aunt's house. Hung out there for about an hour. They had done their Christmas swap there and the kids were all excited with their new toys. My oldest nephew for instance was thrilled with his first, official ZuZu pet, rather than the kids meal toys.

Finally, it was time to head home. Boy was I tired. I got home and went straight to bed. When I woke this morning. I was ready to meet Sarah S. for brunch.

We ended up at Last Resort. Yum! And it was reasonably priced. I got stuffed french toast with bananas (which we all know is one of my favs). Expecting to get two little slices of battered toast, they brought out this leaning tower a la amazing goodness! I couldn't finish it and even Sarah had a crack at it.

We exchanged our gifts today since I will not see her until after Christmas. Unfortunately she has to work Christmas night. Stupid hospital!

Anyways. Now its time for me to wrap my gifts, clean my loft as it has been neglected over the last week, head over to the gym, and rest it up for tomorrow, and of course, catch up on my posts. (Yes Sarah N., I will blog about the Holiday Party. Be patient my friend.)

Self Dx

Frannie and I were talking over the weekend, nothing in particular, just chatting, and we came on the subject of my weight loss. I told her that I felt as though I had gained ten pounds over all the Christmas treats and from all the holiday parties. She said, "Good!"

I told her to not worry and that I was not going to get any lower than 130. She then told me that she was worried that I had anorexia. I told her that I was eating and then she asked me, "Do you know what anorexia is?" Thinking, like I am sure most do, that it was simply an eating disorder where the sufferer refuses to eat, I was apparently wrong. I know this because I wiki-ed it.

The exact definition, according to Wiki, is as follows:

Anorexia nervosa is an eating disorder characterized by refusal to maintain a healthy body weight and an obsessive fear of gaining weight, often coupled with a distorted self image which may be maintained by various cognitive biases that alter how the affected individual evaluates and thinks about her or his body, food and eating. It is a serious mental illness with a high incidence of comorbidity and the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric disorder.

It can affect men and women of all ages, races, socioeconomic and cultural backgrounds. Anorexia nervosa occurs in the ratio of 1:10 in males:females.

Now, I will admit to the fear of gaining weight, however, I do not believe the rest of the definition applies to me. My goal of 130, when calculated, would put my BMI at 20.4. This number just so happens to be smack dead in the middle of the normal weight range.

As far as the imagining is concerned, I have always had neither negative nor positive images of myself. I look at myself in the mirror and see me. Just me, and how I feel inside. That is what I look like, take it or leave it. Aside from going under the knife (which I would never do), there is nothing that I can do to change what I look like. I feel completely neutral about how I look. I do however, try to wear nicer clothes than I have in the past, finally getting rid of the last of my college wardrobe, as none of it fits anymore. However, that shouldn't affect my self image. Energy is what I thrive off of, and if working out gives me more energy, and makes me feel good, then so be it.

Now, I know that Frannie was not saying these things to hurt my feelings, or that she really thinks that I could be mentally ill, she said it as a concerned sibling, and I am just saying this to tell her that there is nothing to be concerned about.

Love you Frannie! Now stop worrying for half a second please.

And Exhale

I can say that as of 3:30 today, I am officially done with the academic arena until next year. Granted, its early next year, but still.

Anywho. You are probably wondering what all mischief I have been involved in to be too busy to blog in the past weeks. Well, first I found out that I had gotten an "A" in Real Estate and was not needing to take that final. Thank goodness, one less thing to worry about. Then I had my Office Management Final and paper to turn in. Done, and luckily have already received my final grade, so one less thing to worry about. What's that you say? What was my final grade? An "A" of course. Would you have expected anything less of me?

Then I had just one more test to take that week before the big bomb was about to go off. So, while sipping on my vanilla steamer in my fav coffee joint, I finished up that project.

Then, as if I had barely shut my eyes, it was time to get up the next morning. It was 6:00 a.m. Saturday morning to be exact. Why would I get up at such an unholy hour on the weekend? The LSAT my friend. The time had finally come to take it. As I had posted on Facebook shortly following the exam, it was wayyyyyyyy to easy. Either I was not properly prepared, or I kicked its little LSAT butt. Results pending. Later that afternoon, I found myself driving to Frannie's house, strangely not feeling nearly as exhausted as I thought that I might have been. In spite of that, I did celebrate accordingly at her holiday party.

It was the bomb diggity, if I may say so myself. There was even a celebrity guest appearance. SANTA!!! The kids almost wet themselves when my sister was reading the last part of the "Night Before Christmas" when they heard jingle bells and the infamous "HO HO HO," coming from the front door. I have to say that it was nothing short of spectacular.

The next day I came home, after escaping Frannie's clutches. It had begun to snow on Sunday and was snowing rather hard in the town they live in. She was so worried about me driving on the possible frozen roads. She even said that she would call in for me and explain to my bosses that she, my big sister, had determined that it was not safe for me to drive and therefore would be coming in late. Ha, ya, I don't think so sis. Good try though.

Moving on, Monday I again found out some spectacular news at work, again which I can't discuss in public(ic), Ron White joke. Sorry, couldn't help myself. Anyway. That news however was short lived as soon thereafter I got a call from Frannie. Apparently our 84 year old grandmother has literally lost the will to live and has requested to be placed under hospice care. I know that this is what she wants, after all, the woman has buried a child and two husbands. I get it, she is ready to hand in the towel. She has lived a long and fruitful life, but one of her son's, my uncle, is taking it particularly hard. I am trying to see it through his eyes. How can you accept the fact that your mother no longer wishes to live?

Anyway, after dealing with that crap and sending Frannie warm wishes, as she is having to bare majority of the burden, I had to run off to Wally for some items before my last final. Pre-cal. Just should have had someone shoot me then and saved me the trouble. What trouble you ask?

I left Wally with what I thought were all my items. As I was putting things away at home and realized that one of the bags was already empty. "Okay, perhaps its in the smaller one. No. No. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO."

I ran out to my car in a panic trying to find the elusive item. As I lowered my head to peak below the barrier in the back of my car, I immediately felt the sensation of lighting and numbness at the same time rush through my entire head. I looked up and noticed that I was on the ground. The hatch door had come crashing down on my head and smacked it against my back bumper. End result, I have a sore mouth, nose, teeth and a busted lip. Granted, it does not look nearly as bad as it could have been, nor how it feels, but it does look like I let someone draw on the middle of my upper lip with a sharpie.

When I got back to Wally to see if the calculator was there and if they could either replace it or refund me, I also went to look for something to put on my cut. As I walked over to the customer care counter, the first thing I heard come from the only woman working the counter was, "I will if I EVER get a break!"

Things are looking optimistic already. She informed me that items left in bags at the checkout are the customers responsibility and that there was nothing that she could do. So, basically, I walked out of there with a new calculator, costing me $30 in total (gas, old calculator, plus new calculator) while someone got one for free and... as an added bonus, they didn't have any neosporin.

Getting home for the final time that night, one single tear came down my face as I unlocked my door. The only one from the entire ordeal. That night had just not been my night. I walked up the stairs to my room and changed into pajamas and searched through my bathroom for something to put on the cut. I screamed internally as the rubbing alcohol burned my lip. Sucking it up, I went down and fixed myself some dinner.

And that, in a very large nutshell was my week. How was yours?

Slight Blog Intermission

Sarah N. asked me today when I would update both my blogs, particularly concerning the holiday party and all that we prepared for such. I informed her that since this week is primarily devoted to finals, finishing up projects and the biggest test that I will ever take in my life, it will be a while.

I know that my avid readers (all three of you and the occasional German or Canadian visitor) will be sorely upset by this. However, I will promptly return once I have regained consciousness and can coherently put together two sentences.

Until that time, pray for me and my endeavours.

My Greatest Mistake

Sarah N. came into town early on Friday to help me shop and prepare for the weekend's holiday party. Having only spent an hour shopping (which is amazing considering what all we had to get) and then running over to get a pizza for dinner, we decided to watch a movie and relax for the rest of the evening. Our feature presentation... Family Man. She had never seen it and obviously me being a fan, considering the fact that I own it, we dove in. However, somewhere around the middle, we both passed out.

Unfortunately due to the hectic schedule of the weekend's events, we were unable to finish it. However, she did pose a question to me that was quiet insightful, and again, uncharacteristic. She asked if there was any mistakes or choices that I've made in my past that I would change or do differently.

After sitting there for a few minutes and staring at my ceiling, I determined that there weren't any. There are very few mistakes that I have made in my life that I truly regret. None of which I believe proved detrimental. Although some would have made some situations more pleasant for the time being, the outcome would have been the same. For instance, the last few days of my last relationship, I was a bit harsh and moody. I will admit it. Although a change in my attitude would have made things less stressful, it would not have changed the outcome, for that I am certain.

My only real regret in life was one conversation...

It was during my finals in high school my sophomore year and I was writing a paper and was miserably sick. While sitting at the computer and becoming blind from staring at my composition for hours on end, the phone rang. Glad to have a distraction for a second, I answered it. On the other line was my sister, Tara. She and I chatted for a minute, she asked me how I was. Like she had opened a flood gate, I just poured on her all my worries and complained of my symptoms. I never once asked how she was or what she was up to. I didn't ask her how school was going (she was in law school), I simply just complained. She sweetly said that she hoped I felt better and not to worry, that it would all work out. She then asked to speak to our mother and I passed the phone along.

She died two days later.

That was the last night that I ever spoke to my sister. Not a day goes by that I wish I could have told her goodbye, or how much I loved her. I just complained, and she, being the caring and sweet older sibling, just sat there and took it. I have felt like a jerk bitch ever since that time. It was last time that I ever spoke to her, and I didn't have anything nice to say. Although, I am sure that she knew that I loved her, I wish so desperately that I had told her that day.

Its Officially Winter

This morning was the first frost at the river. Since all the rain this week, the river is swollen and raging like crazy. Many of the rocks that the turtles sunbathe on our completely covered and no where to be seen.

As I was walking to my car this morning, I could hear the river before I even opened the door. Then I noticed how the barrier surrounding the river was frosted over and there was ice in the puddles on the driveway. I had to scrape my windshield as well.

I love this time of year, but I must say that fall is by far my favorite time. A few weeks back, I took these pictures and forgot to post them.

It was like a blanket of golden awesomeness outside the courthouse. It makes me want a cup of hot chocolate.

Eh, what was that?

This week I went shopping once again at my favorite (yet expensive) grocery store. I was wondering up and down the aisles, had a good convo with the guy behind the meat counter and got everything that I need, except for one single item that just so happens to be the essential ingredient as it was not currently in stock. My inner monologue sounded something like a broken or scratched record. "What do you mean you don't have it?"

So, yesterday I called every Asian food market in town to find this tiny little inexpensive yet elusive item. Bingo! And off to Baxter Street I was during my lunch break. It wasn't until I got home last night after some more shopping for the party that I realized I left it in the fridge at work. "Well, crap."

At least I am not making it until tonight though. I just need to tie a mental ribbon around my finger as to not forget again.

I have noticed a lot more lately that my mind is just forgetting things like crazy. Monday, I forgot my coat and pumped gas in 30 degree weather at 7 a.m. The other night I forgot to advance the laundry, so last night I went in there and noticed that it had gotten sour and I had to wash it again. Ugh!

Oh well, time to start investing in ginkgo I guess.