There's a ghost in my house

When it is late at night and I am in the in between state, where you aren't quite asleep, but not exactly awake either, I see this ghost. It even follows me to work in the morning.

When I am falling asleep at night and I happen to roll over and see the bathroom doorway, I still see this shadow of a man that I loved looking at his muscles in the mirror or pulling out the bathroom scale. I can see him brushing his hair. Sometimes when I am in the shower, I can still hear him. I've woken up several times during the night swearing that I heard his voice.

The night that he left, I had a dream, it seemed so real, that he came back and wanted to talk things out. It scared the crap out of me when I woke up and I was all alone.

When I come into work early in the mornings, still squinty eyed from my lack of sleep and exhausted from my schedule, and I am making my coffee, I can still see him yanking his bike out of the back of my car and going off to class or work.

What is wrong with me? Why is it that he was able to leave with dry eyes, and I am still stuck in the coroner's office protesting the autopsy results? I guess that is the blessing of being a man, you never really get too attached and its easier to walk away from something. I literally but everything I had into that relationship, and now its gone, died, and all I have left is myself and this ghost that haunts me at random.

I still check my phone like a crazy person. I would feel so bad if I had missed his call during my lunch break or after work. He would usually leave me a voicemail and I wouldn't check it until after I had already spoken to him. I was, and still am, pretty bad about answering my phone. That is why he got me a land line. Now that its not connected anymore, all my friends and family will have to suffer like they did two years ago. Sorry, stuck in my ways I guess.

I still get excited when I get gchats. Its like I have a memory lapse and think that it is from him. It breaks my heart still to know that he didn't feel excited anymore whenever I sent him text messages or called or anything. He made it sound as if it were a nuisance or something.

I guess today is just a blue day. Hopefully spin class will turn that around. And I might need to call the Ghostbusters soon, Bill Murray to the rescue!