I still see faded images walking up and down the hallway. Glancing over at me and doing the signature move of pushing the sliding eye glasses up with the side of an index finger. I hear laughter followed by the image of a scrunched up nose and a convulsing body, as though it could no longer stand the hilarity of a situation any longer. Talking to the tv as if the news correspondent could actually hear him and respond.
Hopefully my final night will be the last that I wake startled from the silence.
The time has finally come to say goodbye. To let go of certain things that I have yet to be able to. That girl, the one that would anxiously sit, straining her ear for the sound of a motorcycle entering the neighborhood so that she could run and open the garage. That girl that sat there completely in love and in complete satisfaction and content with her life. I have come to the point where it is finally time to let her go. To move on in life and to go forward on this new path and discover with lies within.
I am so proud of her though. She literally went through hell and back. Rather than let it get the best of her and lay on the couch in her sorrow, she fought back. Although her heart, in spite of her denials of actually having one, was the one thing holding her back. Her fear of finding that again. Her fear of letting something go that she had worked so hard for and sacrificed so much to maintain it, its time to let all that go. No more memories of what was, or what could have been. It is finally time to leave all that behind.
She was good to me, and perhaps she harbored and kept safe what innocence and self love I had left. I have since restored it to myself and must say my goodbyes.
A new year approaches, and I feel as though that veil, the one which shrouded my life in shadow, has finally come off. No more mourning lost loves. No more mourning what could have been. Life will and has moved on, and so will I.
Its time to embrace the uncertain and forge on.
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