Playing a fool

I have recently been trying desperately to sell this stupid engagement ring. The general consensus with all jewelers that I go to are that this is just not the right time to sell. One man at a local pawn shop said, "Buying jewelry is a luxury, and people are simple just not buying right now." He told me how pretty it was and, noticing the pain on my face, told me to hide it somewhere out of mind and sight and just wait until the economy turns around. Great, that will be never!

I really appreciated his honesty and sympathy. However, I left feeling more defeated than ever. Plus the whole car issue isn't helping either. I have to go through my insurance now because the little jerk that hit me has crappy insurance and they wanted me to jump through all kinds of fiery hoops. So, I am going to let my insurance fight them over it. It just means that I have to fork over the deductible and wait for reimbursement from the crappy good for nothing insurance.

Anyway, I have basically been down in the dumps the last couple of days. Every time that I left a jeweler who gave me the same advice, I would get that dry, can't breathe, can't swallow feeling in the back of my throat and that pit would reappear in my stomach.

You see, just two days prior to the breakup, I was talking to my dear friend in Milledgeville. (I call her my Milly mom because she was so good to me while down there). I told her that Matt and I were having some problems, but I thought they were just related to law school jitters and such. She asked if I wanted things to work out and I said "of course I do. I think that we are really good for each other. I do love him and I think he is worried about the future." Oops. Missed that one, huh?

I haven't been able to bring myself to call her, tell her that he in fact left me for another, and that I am back to square one. I hate admitting defeat.

My mom and co-worker think that I should just keep the ring, melt it down and create something else out of it. Like a trophy of sorts, reminding me that this time, it was not me. I didn't get the jitters about spending my life with someone that I wasn't sure about, I was ready.

I still haven't decided what to do, but will try to forget about for at least a little while. Wish me luck!