Okay, what starts with "D"? Oh, I know, deceit. That's right kids, today we are going to talk about deceit.
Now, do you know what deceit means? Well, allow me to quote from Wikipedia. (Heehhhmmm....clearing throat). Deceit is the propagation of beliefs that are not true.
Now, how could we apply this? Oh wait, I've the perfect situation.
Once upon a time...Okay I can't do this anymore. So basically, I feel that my entire relationship with Matt was a complete and utter deception. I was recently cleaning out my inbox and found tons and tons of e-mails and g-chats from him. Many of them were just the routine stuff, "when are you going to be home?," etc. Other things however, like the last e-mail that he sent the day that he broke up with me, that one is the real kicker. Basically he was telling me that he didn't want to loose me, that he loved me, yada yada. Well, we all know what happened five hours later, or otherwise I wouldn't be writing this blog about it.
Anyway, as I was scrolling through the various and numerous documents, I found one from a few months ago. We were discussing where he was probably going to be going for law school. He said that it was looking like it was leaning towards one more so than the others. So, I simply said, "It looks like I need to start looking for jobs." He basically said "no" and that we had plenty of time.
Well, after reading that and several others, I started to think. Did he have ulterior motive or hidden agenda behind it? I started second guessing everything in our relationship. "Did he ever really love me?," and so forth. I know that many of you are thinking, "Ah, she's finally lost her mind."
I am also starting to believe that he was cheating on me given the circumstances surrounding the girl that he is currently dating. The last weekend that we were together, we had gone to her place for a few to hang out. She was a friend of his sister-in-law. Very suspicious to say the least.
To make the situation even better, he recently told me that he had stopped having feelings for me before our anniversary last year. He said that the only excitement that he had during the trip was the fact that he was in New York and that it had nothing to do with me. Ouch.
Well, my justification for all this is simply to educate and protect myself from future encounters with others.
You see, it also wasn't just him that deceived me. His older brother and sister-in-law did a pretty bang up job too. His brother and I didn't exactly hit it off with a great start. He basically offended me with just about everything that he said. You see, these two brothers lack, what I like to call, a filter. They said anything and everything that pops in their head the moment that they think it. Very unwise, indeed. It was for this main reason that I didn't quite understand him and we were a little rocky to say the least around one another.
A few months after I had met him, we attended a hockey game with the couple. I thought that was when we had really found common ground to stand on. We were discussing the law (he was in law school at the time) and other such related topics. I can honestly say that I had a good time that night.
Well, after that, his brother started calling me "Mere-bear." I hadn't been called that since high school and I was never really fond of it. It reminded me too much of the Carebears, and I really didn't want to think of myself as a cartoon. Anyway, I took it as a sign that he did in fact approve and/or like me. He would always invite me down when Matt was planning a trip there and so forth. He even gave me a computer (which came with stipulations, and that makes perfect sense in lieu of my current situation.)
Now, his sister-in-law is a completely different story. I liked her from the get go. I thought that she was an interesting and eccentric person. She is very creative and innovative. The woman designed her own wedding invitations and basically the entire wedding and created everything from scratch. (Its okay, you are allowed to be impressed, I was.)
Whenever we would see each other I would just sit there and listen to her stories and look at stuff that she had created and designed and be in awe. She even helped design my blog when it was for cakes, and in fact I can't change the background because she did it and I don't know how.
She and I would occasionally complain about how when the two men would get together, they would get shorter tempers and would sometimes disappear, off doing nerdy things. My opinion was that "boys will be boys," and I would just let it go.
I really thought that we had connected. She would send my pictures of her cakes that she would make for friends, and I even made her brother's birthday cake. We would g-chat as well on an almost daily basis.
Now, based on all this you wouldn't think that these people completely sabotaged me would you? Apparently, the same time that Matt left, they were telling him how I was a boring, dull and negative person. Ouch, right?
Now, how could I have guessed this based on my previous experiences with them? I can't think of it either, but it still hurts my feelings none-the-less. Usually I can spot a snake a mile away, but not this time. I guess it had something to do with the rose tinted glasses that I was wearing at the time and the fact that his parents like me. Or at least I think they did. Ah, I can't tell anymore what was what and who was who?
I know that none of this matters anymore in regards to him, but I really want to learn something from this. I am just having a really hard time putting the clues together that I should have picked up on. Perhaps I am still naive in many ways. Maybe I need to slap a little bit more mortar on the metaphorical wall on that front.
Anyway, this was just bearing on me a lot today, and I had to let it out before I exploded with anger and other emotions that I don't know how to quite define as of now. It just really goes to show that you really don't know someone until you break up with them.
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