Scarfices, just not worth it.

I get so angry at myself when I think about what all I sacrificed for that stupid little punk.

I was going to give up everything that I had worked on, for HIM!!! I cut people out of my life because it made him uncomfortable. Once you cut, you can't go back. I stopped talking to people, I didn't return phone calls, all for what. So that a year and half down the road, I would be left in the middle of it face oncoming traffic.

I get so angry thinking about it that I just want to scream and punch the crap out of something. (Frannie, this is when the dishes and a hammer might come in handy.)

I cannot count how many times I went with him to visit his brother and didn't even get to see my parents who lived 12 miles down the road. 12 MILES! Most of the time they didn't even know that I was in town. We always did what he wanted, when he wanted to do it. God forbid I wanted to go on a picnic, which got turned down by the way. God forbid I just want to go to the park and feed the ducks, again, turned down. No, Mere, going to the botanical gardens is a terrible idea. Grrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, Mere, going to the lake, visiting your cousins and riding behind a boat is just not my bag.

I stopped doing what I wanted to do, for him, That's right, I forgot about my needs, for him. I was going to give up my job that I had been searching for since I moved to this stupid town, for him.

Geez, someone just shoot me in the freaking face! I cannot believe that I did that for, you guessed it, him!

I missed out on my brother's winging ceremony so that I could go to his graduation, get my car rear ended, and throw him a party with his entire family in my three bedroom micro house and dropped about $200.00 on it, for him!

Is anyone else getting mad yet? I got suckered into a two year contract with a gym, for and with him! Hey buddy, if you knew then, as you have so nicely pointed out, that you were ready to leave me, then why would you have asked me to join? Sure, just sign me up for something that I am going to get stuck in, forced to see you when I go, for two years. AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

When he left, I had never felt so alone. I had made him my world, I had ignored so many people for what, nothing. Absolutely freaking nothing. Everything that I had felt in the past year was absolute B.S.

I guess you really can't get upset about nothing, but I do when I think about all the missed opportunities. The times that I looked the other way because I was with him. All the times that I said "no, I'm with someone and I am happy." If I had known the truth, man alive!

Its like that song by Rod Stewart, "I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger."

I completely sacrificed an entire year of my life for nothing. No good came out of this relationship. I seriously cannot think of one thing other than my new ambitions. However, I believe that I would have eventually gotten to those or maybe sooner if I hadn't had this distraction.

This is why I am not going to start dating until I am finished with my plan. No more distractions, no more tangents and no more wasted time. I know that I am still relatively young, but if I keep this up, I will never make it to the finish line of where I want to be.