Brain Food

Not that's intentional, but lately I haven't been eating nearly enough. I just don't feel hungry, ever. Sarah S. even made the comment the night we made the squash, "Mere, I am going to have to go out and eat after this aren't I?" "Why?" I asked. "Because you never eat, you eat to live, not the other way around."

I started thinking about it, particularly after my incident in spin, and she is right. I have noticed that I have a really hard time focusing too. It was all I could do to stay focused and read my econ book while at the Gardens. I can't read at home, too many distractions. And I have noticed that the usual 2:00 crash at work is significantly more difficult to overcome.

While I was out in the Gardens, walking back to my car, it hit me. I remember when Dante said that your brain needed at least 200 calories to function, and who knows how many I burn in a day. I am starving my brain. That is why I am so tired all the time. Not physically, but mentally. That's why when I go running, its so easy to just "check out."

Also, another brick onto this pile of discovery (and it was a big one), I had a bad night Saturday. Some stupid little thing that I found on my stepmom's old iphone triggered it. I found a picture from the night that I won those tickets to NY. That was probably the happiest day or night of my adult life. I had never won anything in my life, ever.

Well, I had talked to a few friends about it, and they did offer words of comfort, but it was Frannie that really gave me a kick. "You are too hard on yourself! You are a strong person, you have done so much with yourself when others in the same place would have just given up. You have come so far and don't get mad when you have these moments. You fight them off for so long, and then you have to deal with them for a minute, and then you keep fighting."

Then she told me to take it easier on myself, but not too much. "Don't lose this Mere, I like her." Why is it that siblings know exactly what to say? Furthermore, its great that they can be completely upfront with you and tell you what they mean and not worry about crossing any lines. There are no lines.

Well, Sunday night, after this discovery, I headed over to Kroger and loaded up on some foods with more protein and a little more calories in them. Its just so hard to stay away from all the sodium and sugar though. It use to take the "old Mere" less than an hour, maybe even 30 minutes to shop. Now I spend an hour just picking out a basket's worth of food because I look at each label and make sure that I am getting what I need to.

I also need to praise myself a little more. I have already reached the goal that Dante set me for to reach by December, and I did it in the half the time. That's got to count for something, and I have to let it. I need to focus more on the great things that I have done, rather than focus what I haven't done yet.

I am going to make a more conscious effort though to buy foods and eat more to give my brain the boost it needs. And for the love of God, get that candy out of the office, or at least away from my desk!